Things Shinigami are not allowed to do
by Gnosismaster
Summary: Every few generations, the Shinigami start a slightly serious, slightly humourous list of 'Things Shinigami are not Allowed to do'. It is the only written evidence that Captain-General Yamamoto has any trace of a sense of humour.
1. Chapter 1

These rules are made by countless members of TFF (including me) so don't accusing me of stealing me because I have permission to post it.

To – I am not aware of any rule banning the posting of 'list' fics so if it is banned, tell me and I'll take it down.

OoOoOoOo

Things Shinigami are not allowed to do

Every few generations, the Shinigami start a slightly serious, slightly humourous list of 'Things Shinigami are not Allowed to do'. It is the only written evidence that Captain-General Yamamoto has any trace of a sense of humour.

1.) Peeping on the women's changing room is strictly forbidden. That means you, too, Shunsui.

(By General Yamamoto's order, that rule has headed every iteration of the list for two thousand years. The fact that Nanao knew this, and still chose to join the Eighth Division, says a great deal about her.)

1b) This includes human charging rooms.

2.) A shinigami may challenge his/her superior to a duel at any time except when they are on missions. The duel must be a contest of physical prowess, cunning, and determination beating the hell out of each other with zanpakuto!

A challenge of which one can perform the Kama Sutra more proficiently does not count as physical prowess, Vice-Captain Matsumoto.

Neither does cunning mean tricking your opponent into thinking he's a catgirl, Captain Aizen.

And determination does not mean seeing who's the better stalker, Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi and Eight Seat Hyuuga.

3.) The captain of the 4th does not have "magic fingers" and does not secretly lust after her patients. Telling new members of the 11th this is forbidden.

4.) Female shinigami do not need a "gynocological exam", and advertising such services to novice shinigami and academy students is not permitted.

5.) If you see a skeletal wacko in a cloak and carrying a Scythe, run for it.

6.) Captain Soi fong is not a furry, affection for Yoruichi notwithstanding. This is emphasized for 7th Division Captain Komamura Sajin.

7.) Captain Kurotsuchi, if you have to ask, you can't operate on it.

7a). Rule 7 has since been repealed, as it only discourages Kurotsuchi from asking.

8.) Captain Kuchiki, if you bring papers to the Captain's Meetings, they cannot be Character Sheets.

9.) Hisagi Shuhei must get another tatoo.

10.) Do not "Throw the dog a bone". Captain Komamura hates having to clean his robes from the blood of impertinent fools.

11.) Please do not goad Captains Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi into playing any of the academy strategic warfare board games. We do not want them to get their divisions to reenact their strategies in real life... again.

12.) Captain Zaraki is not to be woken by anyone outside his division, in his division, affiliated with the divisions of Seireitei or horrible, man-eating hollows. If Captain Zaraki wakes, he does so on his own. And unlike Captain Komamura, he likes the blood on his robes. You have been warned.

13.) Erotic drawings of currently active seated officers of either gender are an offense warranting demotion and a two-decade suspension. (Addendum by Captain Kyoraku, 8th Division: Phantasies are nice. Pictures are not. And if I find out who drew that one of me and Jyuu-chan I will show you the Crazy Bone part of my zanpakuto.)

14.) Kenpachi is no longer allowed to "Scout" for future Shinigami. Seriously, what kind of idiot tries to arrange deaths just for a good fight, especially when at least one of them is a fucking demolitions expert!

15) No matter how cute they are Hollows Are not allowed within the boundaries of Seireitei Soul Society

This includes Arrancar.

16.) Searching for a female Arrancar's "Secret Hole" is not permitted. Nor is it permissible to tell rookie shinigami that finding the "Secret Hole" is an alternate method of gaining promotion.

17.) The captain of the 10th division is to be referred to as "Captain Hitsugaya", not "Little Icicle", "Short 'n Silver" or "Shiro-chan".

18.) Captain Hitsugaya does not "need to get laid", Captain Soi Fong does not "need a hot dicking", and Captain General Yamamoto does not have "performance problems".

19.) Please stop encouraging new Shinigami to ask if Abarai's tattoos go 'everywhere'. It's quite possible that they do, but there are some things we just don't want to know.

20.) 'He Followed me home, can I keep him?' is not a valid reason for brining enemiees of the Seireitei back within it.

20a). Even if it's Ichimaru Gin.

20b). Even if he's wearing bunny ears.

20c). Rule 20 is henceforth known as the 'Kuchiki Law'

20d) That applies to you too, Matsumoto.

21.) The size of a shinigami's shikai has nothing to do with the size of his "flesh zanpakuto"

22.) You cannot "charge up your reiatsu" through wild monkey sex; it is not permitted to tell young gullible academy students this.

23.) In light of Yachiru's discovery of her life before death, research into such things is forbidden.

23a.) Whatever idiot allowed her access to that world is in big trouble.

23b.) We don't need her to become the "Enemy of All Existance" rather than just those alive.

23c.) And send that fucking demon back, I don't care if he won't tell you the secret of why he wants to come.

24.) The vice-captain of the 10th division is Matsumoto Rangiku, not "Mrs. Funbags".

25.) The captain of the 12th division is not to be referred to as "Dr. Ooze", "The Blob" or "The Mime".

26.) The vice-captain of the 12th division was not created because "the captain couldn't get a date to save his life", and she is not his "love doll". Saying this to new members of the 12th division is forbidden.

27.) Kenpachi does not wear the bells in order to replace the angels he kills, and stop spreading it around before it gives him ideas

28.) It is forbidden to replace Captain Ukitake's cough drops with blood capsules.

29.) After the recent loss of three acres of cherry trees, shinigami are no longer allowed to use flower petals to make an entrace, Captain Byakuya's shikai aside.

30.) Any and all "swimsuit" calendars featuring either gender of Shinigami shall only be produced if the Shinigami depicted within are aware of their place and have given their permission to use the images in said calendar.

30a) Ichigo wasn't complaining when I took them isn't an excuse, Rukia. He was asleep for goodness sake!

30b) Neither is "when will he possibly see them?", Yoruichi.

31) We do not feed Vice Captain Yachiru sugar. EVER!

32) Vice Captain Kurotsuchi Nemu is NOT a Steel Angel. Trying to convince her of this and then looking for her "on switch" is a punishable offense.

33) You may not sell tickets to Eleventh Division deathmatches to gullible Academy graduates only to later reveal they will be the opponents for the division members.

34) It is unlawful to try to "pimp out" members of the Fourth Division for the purpose of relieving sexual frustrations.

34a) That means you have to give Hanataro back now, ladies.

34b) He needs it just as much as they do isn't an excuse, Shunsui.

35) Captain Zaraki, just assume the answer is no.

35b) You too Captain Kurotsuchi.

36) All Nermia martial arts practitioners are on the Do-Not-Collect-Or-Contact List, this includes the world traveling Mr. Hibiki. Let Hueco Mundo deal with them instead.

37) Zaraki was not, is not, will never be a pirate. Soifon and the Special Forces are not Ninjas. Do not go telling Zaraki otherwise in order to get him to go fight the whole division. This means you Hitsugaya.

37b) The parrot must go Zaraki. We don't care if it repeats insults and gets more people to fight you, get rid of it.

37c) Someone, get Zaraki out of the pirate costume. Please. Also, return that ship the 11th division stole from Davy Jones.

37d) How did anyone get Zaraki, Yachiru, and the 11th Division to sing "You are a Pirate"? Please, make them stop. Unohana has stated that she will use Bankai if she hears that song one more time, despite how cute Yachiru is dressed up.

38) Captain Jack Sparrow must return back to Davy Jones's locker with his ship, Shunshui. I don't care if you finally found a good drinking buddy, despite his odd taste in alcohol. What do you mean you made him Captain of Division 3...

39) All Gigai made must be in the form of the Shinigami who will use it. They are not to be made in the form of someone else, then stuffed with a Soul Candy for ... creative uses. All unauthorized Gigai must be disposed of and destroyed immediately.

40.) Captains are discouraged from inviting their fellow captains for the sole purpose of discerning who is the better torturor. It is messy, and the Commander-General can come up with better things for you to do, like more paperwork.

41.) Captain Ichimaru is reminded that neither "Blood of the Innocent" nor "Broken Hearts" are proper sustenance for shinigami. Please stop spreading these untruths. We do not want recently deceased mortals fear that we shall suck their blood or something.

42.) Attention all Soul Society: The next person to beat up my Vice-Captain will recieve tenfold what you did upon him. Only I am allowed to do that. Thanks for your attention; Captain Soifon out.

43.) Do not mock Yachiru for being small - Zaraki.

44.) Burning half your division barracks down in an effort to get rid of paperwork is not proper conduct. Captain Kurotsuchi can attest to that.

45). Despite her tendancy for biting, Vice-captain Yachiru Kusajishi is not secretly the vorpal bunny in disguise. Telling new shinigami graduates this is wrong.

45a) ...even if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.

45b) ...especially if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.

45c) ...Unohana, cut it out! Komamura's starting to have nightmares!

46) It is henceforth forbidden to kill shinigami for any of the following reasons.

46a) They touched my Yoruichi toy. This means you Captain Soifon

46b ) They looked like an interesting test subject. This means you Captain Kurotsuchi

46c) They looked strong. This means you Captain Zaraki

46d) They looked at my sister This means you Captain Kuchiki

47.) Carving your name into the walls of Seireitei barehanded is not required as proof that you are worthy to join the Gotei 13.

48.) Please do not urinate into blue puddles. - Captain Kurotsuchi M.

49.) Captain Kuchiki is not to be disturbed during his meals. The Fourth is overworked as it is and certainly needs no new patients. - Captain Unohana R.

50.) Captain Zaraki does not wear an eyepatch because he "had an unfortunate accident with a pair of scissors". It is wrong to tell new members of the 11th this.

51.) On a completely unrelated issue, no shinigami is allowed to use shunpo, run or otherwise move at faster than a brisk walk while carrying any of the following items: scissors, letter openers, knives or nail files.

52) Please note all pets must be approved by at least 2 captains and the captain commander.

52a) This means you unseated officer Kuchiki

52b ) Send the rabbit back to Caerbannog right now.

52c) We don't care if he scares Aizen get rid of it.

53) Please note that Captain-General Yamamoto has demanded that the person or persons responsible for Love Bleach cease and diciest immediately.

54) Despite the wheels, Vice-Captain Yachiru's bankai is not, in fact, a train. So, everyone off.

54a) Yes, Gin. No choo-choo for you.

55) The gargantuan execution device that looks like a guillotine on steroids is not, in fact, a see-saw.

55a) Nor is it a swing.

55b) Look, Gin, I'm sure someone's got a playground somewhere.

55c) No, Kurotsuchi does not have permission to build you one. The idea scares everyone else anyways.

56). Going to the mortal world and haunting people is forbidden.

56.a.) Posing as a dead lover/ancestor/friend is likewise forbidden.

57.) Asking Captain Aizen to create a harem illusion for you is forbidden.

58.) We don't know what a "Ghost Buster" is, but to be on the safe side, avoid contact with all mortals who have a funky theme song.

59) Asking Captain Kurotsuchi if he's made any 'fun extras' to his vice-captain is now an offence punishable by 10 to 20 years imprisonment (And yes, that is being fair- the other option would be to let Captain Kurotsuchi mete out the punishment.)

59a).Captain Kurotsuchi is no longer allowed to suggest possible punishments for violators for this, or any other rule. We don't need to know what you do in your spare time, Captain. - Captain Komamura

59b). If the violator of rule 59 actually succeeds in getting an answer, there will be a 5 to 10 year reduction in sentence. - Captain Kyoraku

59c). Addedum 59-b is hereby repealed, and Captain Kyoraku must now submit any and all future addedums to his vice-captain for approval - General Yamamoto

60) Vice Captain Nemu does not have a 'rocket punch'.

60a) Sorry, Renji, no matter what you say, that was just a regular punch.

60b) Seriously, shut up about it! No one believes you!

61) Captain Kurotsuchi does not carry his Vice Captain in a suitcase.

61a) Yes, we're sure.

62) No one is allowed to let Captain Kurotsuchi watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ever. At all. No. We're not sure what would happen, but we don't want to find out.

62a) THIS DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU, URAHARA.

63) Kurotsuchi is not allowed to make giant robots. That creepy baby bankai thing of his is bad enough. We don't want to know what he'd do with giant robots, dammit.

63a) SEE RULE #62!

64.) For your own safety stay the hell out of New York city

64b). Sunnydale California is also off limits

64c) This rule is optional to any above 10th seat. Bear in mind that the paperwork for an undead is 5 times thicker then usual and must be signed in triplicate.

65:) No one is allowed to give Kenpachi kittens and tell him it's a real world delicacy, no matter how funny it is to see him eat them.

65a). This includes any cute cuddly animals, you people are sick.

66) Stay away from Amity Park. They're not Hollows, we don't know what the hell they are, but they're not Hollows.

66a) I mean, seriously, they have people that can change from being alive to a spiritual entity? That's crazy!

66b) Oh, this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, isn't it?

66c) Crazy Americans.

66d) No Captain Kurotsuchi you may not experiment on the entities in Amity Park.

67) The kenseikan is a symbol of nobility and leadership is not however made form the masks of hollows Captain Kuchiki has slain.

67a) Nether is it the reminds of the mask he wore before it was purified.

67b) It is not all that remains of his mask as Captain Kuchiki is not an arrancar anyone spreading rumors to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.

67c) And it is not part of his Vizard mask. anyone spreading rumors to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.

68) Chicago, Illinois in North America is added to the list of Restricted Access areas.

68a) Yes, this includes Captains too.

68b) Zaraki, no. You may not go there to fight the Reanimated T-Rex for fun. Its already dead...again.

68c) Again Zaraki, no. You may not go and threaten Mr. Dresden there to bring back the dinosaur for you to fight. This includes anyone or anything else.

69) All Shinigami, please cease bringing giant spotlights and costumes when a person has a near-death experience. So put the Jedi costumes and lightsaber toys away, we won't have the Jedi religion become the next big thing as a joke.

70) Elvis is banned from leaving Soul Society. He is dead, and should not go to the living world to make the fools there believe otherwise.

71) Mr. Black is not the King of Soul Society. Despite the rumors saying so.

71a) No, he is not a Shinigami or a Death either.

71b) What do you mean he has a Zanpakuto?

71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?

72) The Fae Queens are to treated with respect.

72a) It is not respectful to ask them if you can dissect them.

72b) It is also not respectful to jump them to get a fight.

72c) Only the Captains of 1st, 5th, 6th, 10th, and 13th division may speak to a Fae.

72d) Seriously we don't need a 3 front war no matter how fun you might find it Captain Zaraki.

73) All shinigami are advised to steer clear of endsville.

73a). If you must go there stay clear of boys name billy and girls named mandy

74) The Terminator has been added to 'The List of Movies Zaraki Kenpachi' is not allowed to watch.

75) No, there are no aliens in Japan, Kenpachi, and even if they were, you wouldn't be allowed to fight them.

76) Yachiru, stop picking on Koenma. We don't need more issues with Hell, dammit.

76a) You too, Zaraki. I don't care how punchable his face is.

77) No, Loki's avatar is not a Hollow. I don't care if he's wearing a mask. It's green, anyways, not white.

77a) You still can't experiment with it, Kurotsuchi.

77b) You either, Urahara.

77c) No, Yachiru is not allowed to wear it! And 'just to see what happens' is not a valid excuse!

78) Fuyuki City is currently a restricted access area.

78a)No, Zaraki. There's nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, it's probably very peaceful.

78b)classified Urahara is not allowed to compete in the Holy Grail War, using a future version of himself as a Servant.

79) Urahara just because you were banished does not mean you may ignore the list.

79a) Yoruichi this goes for you too.

79b) And you Isshin.

80.) Kurosaki Ichigo, whatever it is that you've been doing with Shiba Kuukaku, STOP IT! She's begun humming, and that's scarier than Yachiru on a sugar binge.

80a.) Hey, I've been trying to get away from her! Is it my fault that nobody knew that she had this thing for Kaien and has been hunting me down to replace him?!?

80b) Kurosaki Ichigo as a substitute Shinigami you are afforded all the rights and privileges of an academy student as such you may not write on the list.

80c) There is also a thing called too much information keep you're bedroom activities off the list. -- General Yamamoto

81.) The exploration of the possibilities of alternate Soul Societies is strictly forbidden

81a) Seriously, if you think Kenpachi is bad, think about how it would be if he got PMS!

82) There is no such thing as the "Multiverse Incarnation of Death Ball" and if there were we would not be hosting it. Telling people that there is such an event is wrong.

82a) Pursuant to rule #81 that means that we need to send The Grim Reaper, Endsville's Grim Reaper, Botan, DCU's Death, the Spectre, Yagami Light and his...shinigami, that thing in the giant white wig with the tanto in its mouth, and all other non native Death incarnations home. They do not belong here.

82b) No Yachiru, you can't keep the Grim Squeaker as a pet. He has a job to do just like the rest of us.

82c) Captain Unohana will remove the oar after you apologize to Botan, Captain Shunsui.

83) Captain Aizen is forbidden from serving cake, not matter how deliscious it is.

84) Offering Captain General Yamamoto viaga is not funny and will leave you open to his wrath.

84a) Don't offer him Depends either.

85.) High-yield impact triggered incendiary devices are not confetti for Vice-Captain Kusajishi to throw around. If you want to burn, ask the Commander-General to end your pain. And save us the collateral damage.

86.) Do not challange Captain Aizen to a friendly game of chess. We wish to keep the peace in Soul Society - C.G. Yamamoto

87.) Seated officers are discouraged of testing devices containing "Terrifying", "Torment" and/or "Torture". Even if you like that stuff, we Captains prefer out meetings to be held without having to listen to Captain /Urahara/ Kurotsuchi laughing manically all the way. - Captain Ukitake J.

88.) All personel of the Seireitei armed forces are advised not to unduly antagonize their superiors. Physical violence is an accepted method of establishing order in the ranks. Nonetheless, my squad is overworked and I frown at people who are sent to us with no excuse for their injuries. - Captain Unohana R.

89.) Experimenting with how much you can say to Hitsugaya before pissing him off is an unwise choice of spending your time, despite how much your buddies told you they'd give you for it.

89b.) Consequently turning the Third division into an iceburg is forbidden as well. I don't care what Kira said, or how amusing Gin thinks it is.

90.) Mayuri is to remove the wooden placks with certain names on them from his walls immediately. Also he is to stop randomly walking up to people and measuring thier heads to check the size.

90b.) Seriously, Hitsugaya is mad enough about the thought of his head resting on a wall next to Shinigami Representative-Kurosaki and the Quincy Ishida.

90c). I don't care if Kenpatchi thinks his plack is amusing, take them down. You're just lucky he didn't notice the one for Yachiru.

91.) Violence is not the answer. - Captain Unohana R.

91a.) Violence is the answer, provided that you use enough of it. - Captain Zaraki K.

92.) Asking Captain Ichimaru to prove whether he is a sadist or not is unwise. We have no idea how the pieces of the last shinigami to do this wound up all over the place. - Vice Captain Izuru K.

93.) HAY HAY NO CHALENNIN THE WEENIES OF MAI DIVISION TO FAITZ, BAHSTURDS! - Unknown.

94.) Ascension to the rank of captain by means of Trial by Combat has been suspended for the duration of the War Effort against former Captain Aizen. Representative Kurosaki is, however, to be treated like one. - Commander-General Yamamoto

94a.) (burnt into the parchment) Won't help you in the long run, old man...

95) Kenpatchi you are not to trigger Armageddon so you may fight the lord of the dammed.

95a) We don't care if you can take him.

95b) Return the Behelit to Captain Mayuri General Yamamoto Immediately

96.) Any and all video surveillance of Inoue Orihime's apartment is to be sent to my office for review. -C.G. Yamamoto

97) Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not allowed within the boundaries of Soul Society.

97a) She is especially not allowed anywhere near Gin.

97b) Oh, god...they just smiled...then...! Blood! Everywhere! I still see it...

97c) Everyone involved in the infamous 'Evangeline-Gin Smile Incident' is entitled to recieve free counseling.

97d) No, alcohol does not count as counseling. Though it does help, dammit.

98) When dealing with humans it has not nor will ever be Seireitei policy to kill them all and let Yamamoto sort them out. Please stop telling humans this.

99) When holding a cigarette, it is not acceptable to point at Captain-General Yamamoto's zanpakuto and ask, "Got a light?"

100) Likewise, it is not acceptable to force Rukia Kuchiki to use her zanpakuto to "Cool off my beer."

100a) SHUNSUI, STOP IT!

101.) Tohno Shiki is not a Shinigami.

101a). Taking off his glasses does not mean he is activating Shikai.

101b). And assuming a new personality does not mean he has Bankai.

101c). It does mean that you are to stay far, far away from him.

101d.) Yes, we can take him, but his harem would destroy the world.

101e). Will someone give him back the frikken chair already?!

102.) All substitute souls will be now be screened. We don't need more perverts like Kon taking over bodies while our resident Shinigami are doing patrols on earth.

103.) No, Kenpachi is NOT actually Yachiru's Bankai. Stop asking.

104.) New graduates from the academy are NOT expected to haunt members of the Quincy family, and telling them this is punishable by being forced into a battle with Kenpachi.

105.) When Commander General Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya are in the same room, it is NOT required for someone to begin singing Pat Benatar's "Fire and Ice" and you should stop telling telling academy students that, Shunsui.

105b.). Being drunk is not a valid excuse.

106.) Vice-Captain Matsumoto is to go to greater lengths to keep from "spilling out" during a battle. While it has led to the defeat of countless male Hollows, and even three Arrancar, it has also knocked out countless shinigami at the same time.

107.) To whoever keeps saying that it is the duty of all female members of the 4th Division to hug their patients to their bosom and make cooing noises, ... thank you. I will bake you a cake every day if you tell me who you are.

108). Rule 108 has been repealed. Those responsible have been punished.

108a). Anyone who tells female trainees of the 4th Division that hugging patients to their bosom and making cooing noises is how their healing abilities work will be treated to being Captain Kenpachi's sparring partner for a month. And no, time in recovery will not count towards the alloted time for the punishment.

108. B. . . Worth it. Absolutely worth it.

109.) Will whatever idiot decided to attract Darth Revans attention please send him back.

109b.) Masks on living beings does not make them a hollow, especially when they send that psychotic walking death machine after us.

109c.) Sending him back didn't mean you then bring Darth Vader here!

109d) In relation to rule 62 Captain Kurotsuchi is not to see these walking death machines, anyone failing to do so will be submitted as a lab rat to keep him busy.

109e) The above is repealed. Vader and Revan working together can more than take care of their own affairs.

We (sort of) wish Captain Kurotsuchi a speedy recovery.

110: No Zaraki is NOT the God of War and if you continue to get academy students to worship him, there will be punishment.

110b) The fact that those that worship him seem to have an easier time performing Kido does not mean his unfarthamble power is leeking down to his priests .

1110) GOD DAMMIT!

111) Captain Utikite is not Hayate Gekko reincarnated.

112) Anybody telling academy students that the proper way to address members of the fourth divions is along the lines of 'Go make me some pie" will be forced to be Zaraki's sparring partner for a year. Following that they may or may not be assigned th roll of doing Captain-General Yamamoto's paperwork for a month. You have been warned.

113) Captain Kyōraku is not the great attractor and he end of the universe.

113b) Even if you swore that you saw a bottle of sake float across the room to his hand Renji.

113c) Yes we are sure.

114.) Kenpachi is no longer permitted to go near London or Rome.

114b.) Somebody please inform Hellsing and Iscariot that we'll try to reign in our monster if they reign in theirs.

115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to charge for his manwhore business.

115a.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to manwhore himself to anyone in Soul Society.

115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is henceforth banned from the premises of the Shinigami Women's Association Office.

115c). Trying to sneak him in is futile, Matsumoto.

116.) Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.

117.) No one is to mention the words "Oedipus Complex" and "Motherfucker" to Ichigo.

118.) Vice-Captain Renji is henceforth banned from the 12th Division research complex until... forever.

118b). Mad Scientist Renji is too much God Mode.

119.) C4 is NOT an adequate replacement when your Zanpakutou's out of commision and you're surrounded by some thousands of Hollows.

119b). Neither is the Neutron bomb.

120.) Kubo Tite is GOD and Kishimoto is THE DEVIL. Do not confuse this.

121.) Telling new souls that they will end up as part of our walls if they are non-religious is henceforth forbidden.

122.) Even if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.

122b.) Especially if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.

123.) I don't care if it was 'just a joke'; mentioning this "Valhalla" around Captain Kenpachi is henceforth forbidden.

124.) The Seireitei edition of the Legend of the Five Rings release date has been put off indefinitely.

125.) While it is understandable that certain individuals might wish to keep the alternate universe Captain Zaraki (who is, if anything, more obnoxiously civilised than Captain Kuchiki) and let the other universe keep ours, it is nonetheless reprensible to expect the Captain-General to have to explain this to Yachiru.

125a) Why you also want to keep the alternate Captain Kuchiki, who makes Kenpachi Zaraki look like a peacenik hippy is quite beyond me. DENIED.


	2. Chapter 2

126.) Kenpachi, stop bothering Superman

126b.) He already has at least two jobs he's trying to do, and keeps the real psychotics out of the SS until we can be ready for them.

126c.) That didn't mean start bothering the rest of the Justice League.

126d.) I know he's able to scare Kenpachi, but Batman should be left alone until he dies a normal death.

126e.) Kenpachi, leave Godzilla alone! We don't need to look out on a skyline that reminds us of what happens whenever that thing ends up in Tokyo

127) Please note Seireitei is an independent sovereignty and as such is not bound by mortal law.

127a) As such we do need to register with the united states government despite what Mr Stark may say.

127b) Please keep the gates to the mortal worlds closed, The humans are accusing us of having a revolving door policy.

127c) Despite holding the rank in the mortal world, Mr Rogers is not allowed to become captain of 5th until he graduates the academy.

128.) While the obliteration of most of the hollows can be blamed on him/her/it we do not want Darth Nihilus' attention brought upon us.

129) Please note that while it is technically possible to send a living soul to hell Soul Society frowns upon this practice.

129a) This means don't do it.

129b) I don't care what the humans offer us we are not sending Kishimoto's Soul to hell.

129c) He did what. . . . Ok fine just this once.

130)Kenpachi is not allowed to release his Tyler Durden mod soul into the real world to cause destruction and Mayhem.

130.a) When Jack dies, Kenpachi is forbidden to interact with his "protege"

131.) trying to manipulate little orphan boys by telling them your there father is strictly forbidden. this means you Aizen, the boy is manipulated enough so leave him be.

131a.) Mr. Black is forbidden to aid captain Aizen in this quest. it isn't the boys time.

131b.) if you persist we will be forced to hand you both over to zaraki's 10th seat, lily potter

132.) Namikaze Minato is forbidden to Leave Soul society to kick his student's ass

132a.) He is also forbidden to ask Kenpachi to do it for him.

132b) He is however allowed to personally train his senshi

133.) soul society if forbidden from hunting Aizen anywhere in poland. mr. fosfor is not Aizen.

133a.) also we can not keep losing shinigami to the group TFF.

134) Please do not open portals into Hell for the purposes of waste disposal.

134a) Yes, Kurotsuchi, the remains of your former experiments are waste.

134b) So are those you consider to be pathetically weak, and throw in in hopes that they'll return with a cursed axe, armor, and glowing eyes to give you a good fight, Kenpachi.

134c) Seriously, do you know how many times Koenma's been complaining about new S-Class demons popping up because of you two? You're lucky he's easily bribed!

135) There is no officially sponored version of Monopoly: Soul Society Edition. Aizen, stop it.

136) No, Jesus Christ is not a Shinigami, nor does he wield a bad-ass giant sword that nails people to crosses.

136a) Yes, I'm sure.

136b) No, he's not paying me off.

136c) Do I look like I have thirty silver pieces on me?!

136d) OUT OF MY ROOM, AIZEN! GOD IS NOT IN IT!

137) Do not go near Haruhi Suzumiya or her SOS Brigade. We have enough problems.

137b) Yes, this includes Kyon. While wimpy, he possesses sarcasm and overprotective females (and one male) with bizarre and deadly powers.

137c) GET BACK HERE, ZARAKI!

138) Captain Kurotsuchi is not, at any time, to make contact with Orochimaru.

138a) Seriously, one mad scientist is enough.

138b) This applies to Ibiki Morino as well.

138c) Oh boy...

139.) the movie 300 must never be shown to kenpachi.

139a) If this order is ignored, said person would be a training partner to Kenpachi.

140) No one will suggest to Kenpachi that he seek out the nine tailed demons and fight them all at one time. The death toll would be insanly high and we don't have enough room.

141) Captain Zaraki's previous life was NOT Gan Ning of Wu. Even though the violent attitude and the bells seem to point to that.

141b). He also is not Xiahou Dun of Wei. Although there is no doubt in my mind that if he ever was struck in his eye by an arrow he'd rip eye and arrow out and eat the former. Just because he can.

142). If you encounter a young man named Naota with funky tattoos that glow green (or red when he's very tired)... do not piss him off. Nine Vasto Lorde can destroy all of Seireitei. The Hitoshura can do it alone and still be in time for breakfast.

143) If you ever meet a huge guy in purple armor with squared pupils who talks about 'hunger' and is assembling some high-tech contraption, run away. You can't beat Galactus, and you shouldn't even try, because he too has a job to do. It sucks for Earth, but what can we say?

144) If you meet something that has blue armor and a huge sword with an eye, run away as fast as you can and contact 1st division.

144a) Or 11th.

145). If Kenpachi ever manages to release his zanpaktou, Soul Society must be evauated immeditaly.

146) While Captain Kurotsuchi has agreed not to experiment upon participants in such peaceful extra-curricular activities as Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi's Exalted campaigns, he makes no such promise regarding those playing Live Action Paranoia in the Twelth Division's headquarters.

146a) Colorcoding shinigami uniforms to denote rank and authority is not permitted. They were black when the dinosaurs died out, they were black when the Captain-General killed his first Hollow and they were black when the dinosaurs evolved. They're staying black.

146b) Captain Gin is reminded that telling citizens of Rukongai that happiness is mandatory and then asking if they are happy does not present an image of the Shinigami that is harmonious.

147) Captain Kyôraku and Jiraiya should not meet...ever.

148) All issues of Icha-Icha: Soul Society Beach Party by Jiraiya are to be delivered to the SWA without delay.

148a) We have the list of who he sold them too and how many were published, If there not all accounted for we're giving the president some pixy sticks and coke and throwing her into the hold outs division - Shinigami Women's Association

148b) Captain Zaraki that is NOT an invitation to help toughen up your squad with a good fight.

148c) All members of the 11th division will have to endure the TALK form Captain Unohana in lieu of facing their vice captain's sugar rush.

149) Please note despite the situation with Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki. We do not have a pre-emptive recruitment program.

149a) This means you can't turn the Uzumaki kid into a Shinigami Kenpachi.

149b) We don't care if he regenerates the answer is no.

150) Attempting to challenge vice-captains, captains, and Arrancar to deathmatches is not a shortcut to power.

150a) Evidence to the contrary in Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki notwithstanding.

150b) Captain Zaraki, you're NOT HELPING.

151) No spreading rumors that if Captain Kenpachi's sword hit Chuck Norris's beard the world will end since an unstoppable force hit an unmovable object.

151a) Aizen, this means you.

151b) And Captain Kenpachi, do NOT go after Chuck Norris... We do not know if the rumor is true

151c) Captain Mayuri, No experimenting on Chuck Norris's beard either.

152.) Binding spells (Forget the name... a little help?) are not to be used for the purposes of bondage during wild sex.

152a) Even in public.

152b). ESPECIALLY in public.

153.) No Kenpachi, you cannot become Captain-General by killing all of the captains above you.

153a). There is no such thing as a Seratai Assassin's Association. I will not tell academy student that there is one.

153b). I am to disreguard all rumors of the SAA as just that, unsubstantiated rumors.

153c). Epically if said rumors originated from a Frenchwoman named Sylvia Crystal.

154. ) Captain Kurotsuchi is to cease attempts to have a schizophrenic Shinigami manifest his alternate personalties as living beings, much less dangerous living beings.

155. ) The Captain-General is not to be addressed as Harman Smith, it is Yatamoto-sama or by his rank.

155a). The Captain-General does not have a God-Slaying anti-tank rifle nor does he have frequent chess games with the first Vasto-Lorde.

156) On a related note, all games by SUDA 51 are banned from Seratai. They may be only played while on leave in the living world and after an extensive psychological exam.

156a) Captains Zaraki and Mayrui are forbidden from taking these exams.

157) The Shinigami Women's Association is strictly forbidden from kidnapping "boyfriends".

157a) We don't need another "Tenchi Incident".

157b) I don't care if he is "a nice guy" Kiyone, Belldandy-sama has released her seals and is heading this way.

157c) For the love of Kami-sama, if you want a nice guy for a boyfriend, train a member of the 4th division. Any shinigami who attempt to "kidnap" a mortal to become their boy/girl friend will be given to Soi Fong to "shapen them up". Unohana has given Soi Fond a carte blanche to do what ever is needed.

157d) This does not mean you can kidnap shinigami boyfriend either.

157e) This means you have to release Shinigami representative Ichigo.

157f) And Captain Hitsugaya.

157g) And Hanatarou.

158) Despite the flattering rumor, the Captain-General does not 'bang a dozen chicks every morning'.

158a) Yeah, it's more like twenty...

158b) Dammit, Urahara, shut up!

158c) The women of Soul Society need to be warned! Behind that old-man appearance is a beast! A bea- the rest is obscured by bloodstains

158d) Spreading false rumors about the Captain-General that get in the way of his getting noo- er, that is, undermine his authority, will be severely punished.

159.) Who the fuck let Konrad Cruze become a Shinigami?

159a.) Vice-Captain Ise, I thought I told you to Moniter what your captain put on this list?

159b.) Look out to our barracks, sir.

159c.) Holy Shit...

160) Shinigami are no longer allowed to appear to mortals who are high, near death, and/or in the middle east and prank them simply because it's funny.

160a) Or really slow.

160b) Or really boring.

160c) Or any other reason, Aizen.

161) Aizen's medication is to be forcefully fed to him every day.

161a) Correction to Rule 161: His CURRENT medication is to be forcefully fed to him every day.

161b) Correction to Rule 161a: His CURRENT medication is to be forcefully fed to him IN IT'S PRESCRIBED DOSAGE every day.

161c) Seriously, as hilarious as it was for the women and men who could tolerate the sight, having him run around, cheeks to the breeze, doing Sailor Moon poses and quotes, it was in poor taste and humiliated him badly. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't try and get revenge on everyone in some fashion, especially Rukia, given that she was laughing the loudest.

162) To whoever is currently in charge of Great Britain, QUIT IT! Asshole.

162a) Seriously, when the person who's responsible for teaching the humans to use death magics is discovered, there will be a reckoning.

162b) Same for the jackass who taught them how to seal parts of their soul into items.

162c) In fact, Lily Potter has been insisting that both Soi Fon AND Kenpachi be allowed to smack said person or persons around.

163) Shinigami are not allowed to possess people for the following reasons:

-"Just for Kicks"

-"She's got a HUUUUuuuUUUGE rack!"

-"He's got a HUUUUuuuUUUGE c-!" (enough of that one)

-"But I can fix his problems so easily! This shounen/shoujo manga gives all the details..."

-"But I'm only going to maim him a little..."

-or "Because I can."

164) beating the hell out of non shinigami personnell is highly forbidden and punishible by a three decade suspension

164a.) I don't care what he did mr. black you can not beat up dumbledore

164b.) no mr. potter no matter how much he deserves it mr. snape and mr. dumbledore are not training dummies and can not be used as such.

164.c) would you rather he gets reincarnated and meddle in your sons life again? i thought not

165.) using soul society to kill college proctors is a waste of our skill please stop immediately.

165a.) I don't care if it gets your fic written faster yoruichi.

165b.) the same goes for you soifon

166.) Teaching Yachiru annoying songs is forbidden. SHE DOESN'T STOP.

167) Catgirls are sentient souls and therefore can not be kept as pets.

168) It is forbidden for any shinigami to follow Urashima Keitaro around, grin, and mutter "Gonna get'cha" just to watch him scream.

168a) Yes Matsumoto, we're looking at you.

169) Captain Unohana, no more matchmaking attempts, please.

170) Soul Society is NOT the buffer realm between all other worlds and Kingdom Hearts. You will not tell gullible Academy students this so that you can record the looks on their faces.

170a) The Captain Commander's Bankai is not a Keyblade.

171) Captain Kurotsuchi may not keep any former member of the group known as "Akatsuki" as a pet. We know it's just a code for more experimentation and we don't want to see where you're going with it.

172) Vice Captain Kurotsuchi Nemu is NOT former Captain Urahara's bankai left behind to to assassinate Captain Kurotsuchi when he lets his guard down. Stop telling him that.

172a) Even if it is refreshing seeing him become suddenly afraid to speak ill of her or touch her.

173) After last week's unpleasantness, coffee is hereby banned from the eleventh division.

174) Teaching the 11th Division English for the sole purpose of letting them understand songs by the American group Kansas is prohibited, as is playing or singing songs by said group within earshot of the 11th Division.

174a) No, I don't care how cool the lyrics are, it'll get real old real fast if we let them at it, especially Yachiru.

174b) Giving Zaraki-taicho translated lyrics for "Dust in the Wind" and/or "Child of Innocence" is a capital offense. Seriously, the man is already a force of nature, do we really need to give him more incentive to go destroy things?

175) Hosting the Holy Grail war in Soul Society, much less Seireitei, is banned. Any attempts to start one after this mess, that hasn't finished yet, will have a suitable cruel and unusual punishment depending on who you are. As of this moment, hostilities between Servants and Masters are to cease. There are Hollows and Arrancar to deal with first.

176) Kenpachi and Yachiru's servant Berserker are not allowed to fight in the 11th Division anymore to cut the costs of repairs. And actually have a place for the 11th division to stay

-Addendum: Those two only allowed to fight in Hueco Mundo now. If this rule is not followed, there IS a Girdle of Gender stashed away in my office and I will use it for punishement.

177) All pets must be kept on a leash, Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki. Your servant Rider is classified as a monster. Since she is also your servant, that classifies her as your pet. You are the only one disagreeing with these statements, Kurosaki. Even your pet is agreeing and willing to obey this law with a smile.

178) Attempts of telling Ichigo Kurosaki any of the alternate methods of...recharging a servant is harmful to the speakers health. Yes, he doesn't know that if you have enough "mana" or retsu, you can simply give it to your servant. His servant has decided not to tell him this or let him know.

179) Rukia, you are not allowed to steal Matsumoto's servant and his name is not Chappy. Servant Pirate aka. Bun-Bun has made it known that he is staying only with either Vice-Captain Matsumoto or Kūkaku Shiba. Also, Captain Unohana is getting tired of dealing with your wounds from your attempts, and concerned with the state of your self-preservation instincts.

180) Comparing Captain Kuchiki with his servant Gilgamesh within either of the two's hearing range will be harmful to your health. Captain Unohana has also mentioned that these injuries priorities are the 4ths division last priority, so expect a long wait. Complaining moves you further to the back of the line as you loose blood due to the countless holes in you.

181) Aizen, could you and your servant Caster please stop the evil laughter that comes from your division's headquarters. Its causing anyone who hears to breakdown and weep in fear.

182) The Water Dragon is not Captain Hitsugaya's long lost mother. Stop spreading those rumors.

182a) Neither is she his aunt.

182b) They are in no way related, period. Seriously, people, stop it.

183) Keep those 'Lotus Assassin' freaks out of my division! My VC can't stop pissing his pants every time he sees one, and even I consider them creepy and more than just a bit nuts. - Captain Soi Fon

183a). Request denied. Creepy and nuts they may be, they are also useful. Besides, they keep Captain Kurotsuchi happy. - General-Captain Yamamoto

184) Claiming Representative Kurosaki has a tiny penis and his Zanpakuto overcompensates for that is forbidden. Do so at your own risk, and do not expect sympathy in the 4th Division.

184a) Even if it's the truth and you find it funny. Please don't do it, Vice-Captain Kusajishi.

184a a) Because it isn't true. -SWA

184a . . . Nano-kun!? Is that you?

184a c:) . . . maybe.

184b) How did Yachiru find out how, er, big Ichigo's censored is anyway? Is he a lolicon or something? --Anonymous

184c) Delicious Flat Chests FTW! --Pedobear

184d) Like Soi Fon's? --Anonymous

184e) IMPORTANT NOTICE: Any comments about Captain Soi Fon's bust size is likely to result in serious bodily harm and several months of intensive care. You are advised to not make such comments. Captain Kyouraku can attest to that, and being 'anonymous' did not save him.

184f) Also, if anyone knows the identity of 'Pedobear', please do share it. The Shinigami Women's Association would like to have... words... with him/her.

184g) No, this 'Pedobear' is not Vice Captain Yachirus bankai. Stop spreading such rumors.

184h) Pedobear is not the secret head of the Shinigami Women's Association, nor is Chappy is actually Pedobear in disguise. Stop asking.

184i) For the record, it's not really small at all, as evidenced by Rukia-chan's pictures. It's just that the only other one she's seen under innocent circumstances it Captain Zaraki's. Nobody can compare to that. -Captain Unohana.

184i a). No, Captain Zaraki's...equipment...is not his actual shikai. Stop asking.

184i . And speculation on what his bankai would look like if so is similarly forbidden. Stop drooling, Matsumoto.

185.) Kenpachi, get rid of the damn symbiote.

185a.) Oh fuck it's loose.

185b.) We are Venom...

186) Who ever gave Soi Fon the Kama Sutra, Thank you. –Yoruichi

186a) Who ever gave it to Yachiru, WTF? -Kenpachi

187) Goa'uld symbiotes are NOT to be implanted in any Hollows. Arrancar or otherwise.

187b). I don't care how much more fun they are to fight, we have enough issues with them infesting living beings. Knock it off Kenpachi - Daniel

187c). Convincing someone else to do it for you will not allow you to escape the punishment, Zaraki-taichou. I will find out. - Unohana-taichou

187d). Attempting to do so just to get Kenpachi in trouble, or get out of a fight with him is also forbidden, Representative Kurosaki. You WILL be placed in the care of 12th division if you are discovered doing this again.

188. ) Using stuffed black cats for kido practice is strictly forbidden.

188b). Please stop. Even I can't heal you after Soi Fon-taichou has stung you a second time. - Unohana-taichou

189) Cat toys are not to be thrown away. - Yurichi

190) If you come across a swordsman named Caim and a dragon named Angelus, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY do not antagonize him. It is bad enough that he showed up at all, we don't need him to be AGAINST us as well. Our survival chances will be slim enough as it is.

190b). To expand on the 'do not engage under any circumstances, especially not for shits and giggles' list, here are the top 10 individuals that you should DEFINITELY leave the alone:

-The Saint of Killers

-The Hitoshura

-Caim and Angelus

-Kratos

-Lu Bu

-Jonaleth Irenicus

-Lezard Valeth

-Raziel

-Any blue haired kid named Ryu - especially if he's an anorexic kid with goggles

-Dhaos

Should anyone engage any of the above, their funeral will NOT be paid by Seireitei's administration - assuming that enough of them is left to fill a casket.

191) All female members of the 12th division are forbidden from engaging in sexual intercourse with people of Vice Captain level power or higher.

191a). That's right Mayuri. We heard your "Super Babies of DOOM!!!" Rant.

192) Please stop telling Mayuri that he is just keeping the seat warm until Gina Diggers dies. We have enough trouble keeping Jade ignorant of us as it is.

193) Contact of any kind with anyone affiliated with the Jade realm is strictly forbidden. Anyone with the titles such as "Archmage" or "Armsmaster" earned them. Aizen still hasn't fully recovered from the incident with Johnathan Diggers a few decades ago.

193a) This is retroactive to include any contact before this rule was made. Sorry Renji, your going to have to stand her up. We don't care how long you have been dating "Sheila".

193b) Has anyone seen my Vice-Captain? – Byakuya

194) There is no such thing as a Natural 20. Telling Academy students that writing the number 20 on their equipment will save their lives is wrong.

195) Mayuri is not just a seat filler until Urahara Kiuske decides he wants to come home, either. Former Captain Urahara is banished and is fobidden from returning. Telling Mayuri this to see the look on his face is wrong.

195a) -even if it's probably true.

195b) WHO THE HELL LET KIUSKE IN HERE TO ADD TO THE LIST?

196) Hanatarou is NOT the hidden emperor of the SHinigami, and he is NOT trying to add to his royal harem. Please stop telling impressionable young Shinigami women this. We're still trying to calm him down after the last incident. He does not need that kind of pressure.

196a) Yes, even if it was funny to see him running like that Matsumoto.

197) Admitted fangirls may no longer hold seated positions in the Gotei 13 unless they have been screened through a rigorous psychological evaluation first. This is now known as "Momo's Rule."

198) Beans are neither magical, nor fruit.

199) Elvis is not the King of Soul Society.

200) Ivanova is not god. Nor is she always right.

200a) yes she is.

201. Any material given to Rukia must be prescreened by Byakuya. -Ichigo (Really Byakuya)

202. No matter how amusing it might be, lacing the new guys food with hallucinogens and sending them on patrol is not funny.

203. No matter how amusing it might be to ransom off certain Captain's sake for pure sadistic entertainment, it is not funny.

204. No shinigami on record has an electric guitar for a shikai or bankai

204a. Okay, no shinigami except for Rocketbilly Redcadillac has an electric guitar shikai or bankai. Stop asking.

205. A minigun is not an acceptable replacement for a zanpakto, even if it works.

205a) ESPECIALLY if it works.

205b) After recent potential Shinigami recruit obtaining abnormal Zanpakto, Rule 205 does not apply if your zanpakuto is actually a minigun, or a firearm of some other type.

205c) Taping or glueing your zanpakuto to the side of a gun does not count Hanataro.

205d) Nor does attempting to melt it into the form of any type of firearm, Renji.

206) No, there is no such thing as a vorpal zanpakto.

206a) Not even Kenpachi's.

206b) Now, a vorpal bankai on the other hand...   

206c) Dammit, Gin, stop trying to scare people!

207) Gin shall no longer be allowed to abuse the smiley emoticon.

207a) 

207b) DAMMIT, GIN.

208) It is no longer allowed to take away Captain Shunsui Kyôraku's sake for extended periods. After Keeping him sober for over a month he had already driven Nanao insane with his expert advances, and attempted to take over Soul Society and start a reign of terror the likes of which we could never believe. We can only guess what he planned to do with the dress code for female shinigami...

208b) Nanao this includes you. We don't care if he gave incredible massages and was a very sophisticated gentleman if you ignored the plots for taking over soul society, keep him drunk dammit!

209) Just because the 112th Division cooked it up does not necessarily mean that you can or should use it, nor will I tell the new recruits this.

210) Though many people whisper it in dark corners where they think she can't hear, calling Cap'n Soi-Fon "Angry Ninja Bitch" is not a good idea.

210a) Patricularly to her face.

210b) Being drunk is not an excuse.

210c) Nor will it enhance your chances of getting in her pants by "being honest".

210d) PROTIP: Contrary to popular belief, honesty in not always the best policy, especially involving women and official paperwork.

211) It is not allowed to tell Captain Junshiro that a particular dish has been found to be a cure for nearly anything, and have him eat it to check if it tastes good, if it is poisioned, or just to see if he would actually eat it. This is not funny.

211b) Hitsugaya this includes you. I don't care how much he had annoyed you.

211) Matsumoto made it for you? I guess that's a good rea... NO! NO MEANS NO!

212) After repeated requests by a certain Shinigami-in-training, attempting forcefully trade or steal another person's zanpakuto will no longer be over-looked. The student in question has been given authorization to use his weapon against those attempting to do so.

212a) After the incident which resulted with half the current Shinigami-class-trainees and a fourth of one divisions unseated Shinigami, Captain Unohana has stated the fourth division will not heal any more people who enter because they were trying to steal Nicolas D. Wolfwood's Zanpakuto. So all Shinigami, please stop trying to steal the Perma-Shikai Cross Punisher from him, or risk trying to get healing from the 12th Division.

213) If Frank Castle dies and aquires a zanpaktou, everybody better become a good boy/girl or you will be punished.

214) It is forbidden to spread the rumor that active shinigami need to release sexually to relieve stress.

214a) no matter how good the sex is

214b) Or how badly you think the Shinigami in question needs stress relief.

214c) So stop bothering Soi Fon!

214d) And Hitsugaya!

215e) And Kenpachi.

216) "the good boy rule" If Tobi (not to be confused with with Madara) becomes a Shinigami leave the pot and spoon ALONE! Yes that IS his shikai. No you don't want to mess with it or mock it. You have been warned.

217.) Could people please don't annoy mentally damaged people.

217a) Banner is just one example of this.

217b) Hulk not damaged...Hulk is strongest one there is...

217c) Hulking out is in addition to the apparent release states Banner managed, for some reason they WANT to be released by Hulk. So stop bugging the scientist.

217d) Mayuri, adding another form to that...thing...is not something you should have done.

217e) Urahara? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

217f). Well I couldn't let that poser Mayuri show me up. - Urahara

217g). Poser you say? Well yay take this. - Mayuri

218) After recent events from now on all "Mad Scientist Battles" are strictly forbidden inside Soul Society

218b.) Bruce, I know they annoyed you with that fight, but did you have to go steal a symbiote...

219: Races between Yoruichi Shihōin and Namikaze Minato are perfectly legal. However, a proper permit is required.

219a: Considering they're both so fast no one can actually see them as they race it kind of makes large events moot.

219b: At least the booze is good...

220) The Starship Enterprise is hereby allowed to qualify for Shinigami training.

220a) No, we don't know how she got here, how she can talk, or just what kinds of missions she qualifies for. But she wants to be a Shinigami so that's that.

220b) DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, MAYURI.

220c) Photon torpedoes are not "the universal form of greeting when communications are out."

220d) Or for use in pranks.

220e) Or for "accidentally" destroying Division 12.

221) Pursuant to Rule 170, if a blond kid with whiskers and a Keyblade shows up at the gate demanding to get through Soul Society to the next world... Allow him through and try not to pay any attention to it.

221a) No! You didn't see ANYTHING!

221b) Minato, yes that includes you. And Kushina. And anyone else from Konoha from your time period. Yes, everybody.

221c) So help me if Kenpachi hears about this whoever is responsible will be cleaning up the aftermath alone. By hand.

222) Contrary to the rumours, Yamamoto-soutaichou is NOT a time travelling version of Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo. Whoever is issuing these rumours is to cease and desist immediately.

223) No, the half-dog youkai Inuyasha is not a substitute shinigami, even if he has a sword that looks like it has a shikai and bankai

224) Mayuri when we sent Endsville's Grim Reaper back it was understood we would NOT try to bother him again. That scythe is not his Zanpakuto and he isn't a strange variation of a Shinigami.

224a) What do you mean he has a Shikai AND A BANKAI!?

224b) For the love of god, please get the kid in the viking helmet with the war hammer out of here. Mayuri is having another "episode" because of him.

225) Will Shinigami Hogan please refrain from digging extra tunnels all over Seireitei? The current system is more than sufficient for the needs of the Fourth and Shinigami Klink is having an attack.

226) It is not better to ask forgiveness rather than permission in regards to anything you have seen on these rules. Telling rookie Shinigami this so that they screw up and you can kick them out of your division is wrong.

227). should anybody going by the name of L ask for the location of kira, do not point him in the direction of the third division

228.) Please do not do the following things with randomly moving puddles of blue ooze: Set on fire; Urinate on; Fill into jars; Freeze and sculpt into vaguely phallic objects; Feed to Captain Komamura; Douse with holy water;

228a.) Violation of this rule shall be punished with extreme prejudice and every sharp and pointy thing I can find - Captain Kurotsuchi M..

228b) Showing said puddle to Yachiru has now been added to the list.


	3. Chapter 3

229.) All shinigami are advised not to fight under the effects of supposedly combat-enhancing drugs. The only thing they enhance is your ability to end up with someone's sword through your chest.

230.) Zombies do not exist.

231.) Buying incendiary long-range weaponry to deal with the Arrancar is not allowed. We do not want another of those glowing craters in Seireitei, thank you very much.

231b.) First person to buy a nuke and set it off will find out how long it takes to freeze to death - Captain Hitsugaya T.

232) Joyriding in the Enterprise around the Living World is strictly forbidden, as is using her weapons except in extreme emergencies.

232a) "Naruto sucks" is not an "extreme emergency".

230b: Neither is running out of sake.

232c) Or candy.

232d) Damnit people, it's a starship, not a toy!

233) Contrary to current rumors, Sora is not Ichigo's son.

233a) He's not Zaraki's son either.

233b) Or any other shinigami's child that we know of! Go watch a soap opera or something if you're this obsessed with parentage!

234) Aizen is not really Ichigo's father! See 231b!

235) Hinamori Momo is no longer allowed to employ her bankai in public, due to the injuries she and others have sustained in trying to catch it.

235a) While it may be adorable to watch, Hinamori losing her grip on Tobiume and crash into walls repeatedly is becoming a bit of a health hazard.

235b) Comparisons to Winnie the Pooh are not justification.

235c) Neither is the fact Aizen finds it adorable!

236 The next person to throw a spherical object in my direction does so at their own risk. - Yoruichi

237) Soul Society is a place for human souls to rest after their demise, not those of aliens. Now, will someone -please- kick this somewhat-intelligent blob of slime out?

237a). No, I wasn't talking about Captain Kurotsuchi. He is human, as hard as it may to believe.

237b). Seriously, how hard can it be? It's green, has eyes, and waves around a tubular device emmitting an ominous humming sound.

237c) Change of plan; find the blob and ask it nicely to leave, then escort it someplace far, far away. Hueco Mundo, for example.

237d) Er... Captain Komamura? Right... er... Don't ask questions!

237e) Once again, Soul Society is a place for HUMAN souls. Human-shaped battle androids do not have souls, and as such they cannot show up in Soul Society, no matter HOW good a fight they can put up.

237f) What the hell do you mean Sechs and Den showed up? I just finished saying that androids don't have souls, and I'm almost positive that disembodied psychotic fragments of other people's psyches don't have souls either...

237g) DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHO LET THOSE TWO LUNATICS NEAR KENPACHI?! EVACUATE, EVACUATE NOW GODDAMNIT!

238) No, we -won't- adapt the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates" for official use. Stop asking.

239) 12th Division wishes to remind all parties that the next person who places a request to computerize their division's paperwork will be considered to have volunteered to tutor both Kenpachi-taichou and Yamamoto-soutaichou in how to do so.

240) Torture matches are forbiddened from now on. We need 4th division intact Ibiki and Kurotsuchi.

240a) Seriously, who let Ibiki in?

241) James Potter is no longer allowed to be a part of the 12th division

241a) We don't care how cute his versions of the Mod soul/gigai or the fact that they can do a variant of kido. They must be destroyed.

241b) No one has seen Kenpachi in a month since the "Care Bear Stare" incident.

241c) Damn it James! Quite corrupting Mayuri. Mad Scientist Mayuri we can handle...prankster Mayuri we can't.

241d) We don't know HOW you created a substance to get Mayuri drunk, but you are not allowed to peddle it to 11th division members. Three of them are in comas already.

242) By the order of Captain-General Yamamoto, The Bet between Captains Soi-Fon and Kenpachi Zaraki on who can turn out the most bad ass from the wimpiest of starting materials is hereby suspended and they are to cease their activities for it immediately.

242a) I don't care that you already have Wayne penciled in as your next Vice-Captain Soifon. Kenpachi's proud smile when that Longbottom boy whacked Riddle's snake was so disturbing that the Fourth is still trying to get most of the Shinigami that witnessed it to uncurl from fetal positions, much less make them coherent again.

242b) Besides Gin wants in on the next round, and NO ONE wants to see what he'll come up with.

243) Telling Academy Students that they can become the next King of the Soul Society if they pull the magic Zanpakto from the stone is forbidden.

243a) Not even if you use a Singing Zanpakto, Black!

243b) Yes, it singing 'I can't wait to be King' when Aizen tried his hand at it was funny, but don't do it again. We have enough problems in the Living World without worrying about Diseny Lawyers.

244.) shamans are not to be disturbed durring there battles.

244a.) nor are you to enter yourself into the current shaman king tornement using a gigai, this means you Aizen.

244b) Nor are shinigami allowed to volunteer as a spirit to assist a shaman.

244c) Yes, ESPECIALLY you, Kenpachi.

244d) Anna is to be avoided at all cost

245) You may not dissect a shaman in order to create an improved gigai.

245a) Nor can you convince your penpal, Faust, to do it for you, Kurotsuchi.

246) From this point forward Intelligent Deceives are forbidden within soul society.

247) By order of the King all the following are to report to the mortal world for transport for an audience with the king.

1. Kūkaku Shiba

2. Retsu Unohana

3. Isane Kotetsu

4. Nanao Ise

5. Rangiku Matsumoto

6. Nemu Kurotsuchi

7. Kiyone Kotetsu

Next week the king will see Aizen and his army.

After that Hanatarō Yamada will report for special training, That is all.

-Royal special task force.

- Groovy. - The King.

248.) By Order Of The Central 46: Burning wicker effigies of hated enemies in public places is not accepted as a recreational pastime.

249.) By Order Of The Commander-General: In light of the ryoka invasion, all shinigami are to undergo basic friend/foe recognition courses in addition to extended hand-to-hand training. The Gotei 13 shall not be subverted again by simply knocking out and stealing the uniforms of their soldiers.

250.) Do not allow the Necromancer to live, lest you share the crime of their existence.

250a.) Do not ask "Why kill the Hollow?", rather ask "Why not kill the Hollow?"

250b.) A moment of laxity spawns an eternity of hell. Bury pluses whereever you can.

250c.) Know the Hollows not and the battle cannot be won. Know the Hollows too much and the battle will be doubly lost.

251). the residents of whipstaff manor are to be left alone

252) No matter how awesome it would be to have him on our side during the matter with the Arrancar, Shinigami are not allowed to advance the demise of Bruce Campbell.

252a ) Nor are you allowed to broker deals involving reserve Shinigaim status with him.

252b) Nor are you allowed to send any large-bosomed female Shinigami to seduce him and hand him a script where he asks to become a Shinigami.

252c)... since I was a bit late on the 252.b amendment, I would like to welcome Mr. Campbell to Seireitei.

252d) Oh dear kami, he's even got a Chainsaw Zanpankto with a Shotgun Shikai.

253 ) Look, as amusing as it makes and/or keeps things on those alternate earths, would someone please just keep those Marvel and DC universe characters in whichever afterlife they belong in? We're getting complaints from the various celestials and infernals from both dimensions.

254 ) Whoever has been sneaking Buxomize Pills from that Princess Maker universe and slipping them into the meals for female shinigami? You are AWESOME!

255 ) The person responsible for writing Rule #254 has been dealt with. The person who has been sneaking Buxomize Pills into our meals... we want to see you in person. Harm will only come to you if you refuse our demands. - Shinigami Women's Society

256) No, one may not have a "Ganmen" instead of their zanpakuto.

256a). Actually, this Kamina fella is allowed, seeing that it's his Shikai.

256b.) WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!

256c) HEY! Who let you in here!! Hey! Get back here punk!!

257) Please do not comment on the relationship between commander Takamachi and vice-commander Testarossa of the Kidoushou.

257a) Seriously there still cleaning up the last person to commend on it.

258.) Will you stop it with trying to Konso Force Spirits...

258a.) Will someone pleaze keep Kenpachi away from Mace Windu...

258b) Damn it...there goes another building...

259.) Kenpachi's zanpacto is not named Bubba

260.) The Nerima district of Tokyo has been officially added to the forbidden area.

260a) No Kenpachi, this is not up for negotiation, having that pigtailed MORTAL LUNATIC somehow managing to show up on our very own DOORSTEP with an actual zanpakuto with access to shikai was bad enough, we don't need more of those freak showing up !

260b) You were the one to defeat him in the first place in the living world and putting that whole "rematch" idea in his head to begin with, so now deal with your own mistake. The reparation cost for the 23 block of sereitei you destroyed will be put on your salary by the way.

260c) Kurotsuki-taichou, if you actually try to approach them in any way, you're on your own, you've been warned.

260.d) The restriction around Nerima had been increased by a ten miles radius. As a side note, the 4th division had determined that Kurotsuki-taichou should be able to move his pinky again in approximatively 2 weeks.

260e) After having Nemu and Nuku-Nuku meet...the restrictions for Shinigami in going to Nerima now include the full city limits and small parts of near-by sectors.

261). If Yugito Nii arrives in Soul Society, NOBODY, that means nobody, is allowed to take her as a pet.

261a.) This means you Kenpachi.

261b). You too Kurotsuchi

261c). After all, only Naruto-sama can have me as a pet.

261d). Yugito!

261e) By order of the Central 46 supreme judges of all Soul Society under his royal highness the king of all souls we do hereby declare that all Jinchūriki are hens forth banished from the boundary of the Soul Society and the containers for the demon bests be sent to hell.

So speak the central 46.

261f) I got 500 yen on Gaara in 5 minutes - Renji.

261g) 300 yen on Naruto in 4 minutes. - Matsumoto

261h) 1000 yen on Yugito in 3 1/2 minutes. - Hisagi.

261i) 100,000 yen on them teaming up and doing it in 2 minutes - Byakuya

261j.) Seeing as how the 46 have mysteriously died AGAIN, 261 is hereby null and void.

261k)...Thanks for the money. It shall be put to good use. Now...where's that Warhammer 40K Buy Order list?

262. Gendo Ikari and the heads of Nerv and Seele are to be killed on sight

263.) Do not antagonize the blonde in heavy golden platemail. Captain Zaraki has deemed this 'Gilgamesh' person a worthy adversary, and it is not advisable to get between them - Captain Unohana R.

263a.) Booyah! That was awesome. Thanks for the fight, you two- Soon-to-be-Captain Kurosaki I.

263b.) Do not butt into my fights any more, or else - Zaraki.

263c.) You shall most assuredly not call me 'this Gilgamesh person'. "King of Heroes", if you would - King of Uruk, G.

264) I dont care how GLaDos got in here. Nor why she is here but will someone please get her away from the Shinigami academy?

264a) IT IS NOT THE ENRICHMENT CENTER. Though that is a good name for the new addition considering all the new recruits we're getting.

264b) STOP THAT! No neurotoxins!

264c) No, Mayuri you may NOT study it. It doesnt affect us and I want to keep it that way.

264d) There will be cake- GLaDos

264e)

thecakeisaliethecakeisalie

thecakeisaliethecakeisalie

thecakeisaliethecakeisalie

thecakeisaliethecakeisalie

thecakeisaliethecakeisalie

264f) To all 4th division personell: Be advised of prolonged exposure to GLaDos has psychoactive side effects. Side effects may include: Anxiety about a..."companion cube", schizophrenia, and a strange fascination with cake.

265) Please note that the television program "The Hollow Hunter" is not a recognised broadcast of the SBC. As such it is illegal to watch it.

266. If any members of Origanization XIII shows up, send them to 12th division for test...I mean examination.

267) Attempts to modify incantations from the world of Shabranigdo and Ciphreed for use as Kido is henceforth banned.

267a) Kuchiki, that means you can't use the Dragon Slave again.

267b) ...that goes for both of you.

267c.) Henceforth, this will include the spells from the worlds designated Bastard.

268) This does not mean you can modify just anything for use as a Kido.

268a). Who the hell uses "Magipokaan" anyway?

268b) And undead armies aren't so impressive to already-dead people.

269) No, Zaraki's penis does not grow with an awesome power.

269a) And it's bulging lenght does not tell him to screw you.

269b) Awwww

269c) Will someone tell me just who spread this rumor in the first place?

270) After the recent increase in injuries, the 4th division has demanded we assign clean-up duty to anyone else. This lead to the formation of the Janitorial Division, lead by Roger Wilco. Other members of this division will be assigned later.

270a) Yes, we know his Shikai is a mop.

270b) This does not mean you can make more messes and not worry about cleaning them up since Unohana is no longer the one you'll have to face.

270c) Don't say we didn't warn you, he is the "Captain" of this division because he has achieved Bankai, and no it isn't another cleaning implement.

270d) Yes, Wilco's Bankai is named Nukem Dukem and is techinically a giant Rock'em Sock'em Robot. As this was discovered by the 11th Division 3rd Seat, Ikkaku Madarame, he'll be walking again sometime next month.

270e) As interesting as a fight with Bankais would be between Wilco and Captain Komamura, all attempts at getting the two to fight are to ... wait wouldn't that be a giant Rock'em Sock'em Robot match?

270f) Wilco and Captain Komamura are expected to fight with their Bankais at least once per month in the arena. Bets will be held by Yamamoto.

271) Vice-Captain Matsumoto's breasts are not floatation devices.

271a.) Even if they work –Matsumoto

271b.) You do realize it's your fault I almost drowned anyway right? –Hitsugaya

271c.) Hush, Shiro-chan. -Matsumoto

271d.) Dammit, I told you to stop calling me that! –Hitsugaya

271e): Kukaku Shiba's breasts are not floatation devices, either.

271f) Kukaku doesn't care what you want to use her breasts for, it's not kinky enough.

271g) Now that's just plain disturbing.

271h0 What was that nose flute going to be used for a

272) The King of Soul Society is not The Immortal God Emperor of Mankind!

272a). Which Means that Aizen is not Horus

273) Do not ever allow Flintlocke near the armory or 12th Division labs. I dont care that hes a genius with inventions that go boom! Not after what happen to Stormwind.

273a) We do not need another "Tha Chuck-shot" incident within Soul Society. Bad enough he uses it on the Hollows.

273b) Nor the "Tha Remote Backstab" The janitors already threaten to go on strike because of the mess it caused.

274) The "Beaverstick" and "Beaverchucks" are banned in Soul Society. The WSA and RSCPA is already on our case about those weapons.

275) All contact between Captain Kurotsuchi and Kevyn is henceforth forbidden.

275a) Kurotsuchi is a mad scientist. Kevyn is a mad scientist. Do the math.

275b Captain Kurotsuchi ambition to replicate those epaulettes is an additional reason to keep them as far apart as possible.

276) Captain Kaff Tagon is henceforth an instructor at the Shinigami Academy.

276a). I know he's not a Shinigami. But he's managed to survive through who-knows how many crazy missions, even if it was through sheer, dumb luck, sometimes. If he can somehow pass on those survival skills, it won't matter what is thrown at us.

277). Will someone please tell that bald kid with the arrow tattoo that he's in the wrong 'Spirit World', here? The one he's looking for is two dimensions farther down the great multiversal Void. Thanks a lot.

278) All Shinigami are forbidden from a 25 mile radius of Perfection, Nevada.

278a) No we don't know how Graboid's can see or eat us and hollows but we are being careful.

278b) Nor do we know how Burt Gummer has constructed anti-spectral defences and weapons.

279) Unseated Janitor Gordon Frohman is here by banned from entering the 4th and 12th Divisions.

- Frohman is banned from the 4th Division for telling and attempting to convince patients that becoming a Hollow is actually a good thing. Sadly, it appears that Frohman truly and deeply thinks this is the truth, but can't figure out how to turn into a Hollow and other Hollows won't tell him. Do not worry about getting Frohman medical help, it has been noted he is somehow near unkillable, though easily injured.

- He is also banned from the 12th Divisions for screwing up the accounting department by trying to help and annoying the hell out of Captain Kurotsuchi. Kurotsuchi also states he has no idea what to do with the countless barrels filled with what seems to be Nitroglycerin. As no other division wants them, he is forced to store them haphazardly around his division.

280) Gordon Frohman is never to be given a Seated Officer rank, much less Captain or Vice Captain. Even if there are only two people in the Janitorial Division at the moment, he still is not Vice Captain of the Division.

281) No, we will not go and get you a Gravity Gun or a Portal Gun, Mr. Frohman.

281a) And stop trying to get Kurotsuchi to make you one either. We just wrote the law stating you are banned from his Division...oh thats how...

282) Effective immediately, Gordon Frohman is banned from shouting requests into the 12th Division from the sewers or from outside his division at all times of the day.

282a) Hitsugaya, that means you have to stop letting him in to just annoy the 12th. Oh by the way, where do you want the 10,000 empty crates you ordered. What do you mean you didn't order those? I have the invoice right here, signed by Frohman...

283) Tossing ANYTHING into the 12th Division, whether it be a pebble or a rather unkillable janitor, is here by banned after the aftermath of Captain Hitsugaya's temper against Unseated Janitor Frohman. Kurotsuchi is still trying to put out the fires from the explosions set off by Frohman flying into his division and landing on one of the explosive barrels. The 12th Division should be rebuilt in roughly five months with the help of the Godzilla Aftermath Reconstruction Service.

283a) Even if they rather believe it, please stop telling the G.A.R.S. that the destruction was caused by a Kaiju, rather then the idiot janitor. We think they are just joking when they keep saying "Not even Godzilla did this much damage."

284) If you ever encounter someone who wears armor and/or weapons that seem to scream, and bears a bleeding mark on his forehead; run.

284a). Yes, that includes any Vice-Captain or Captain class Shinigami. Especially you, Kenpachi.

284b) The above rule henceforth extends to all persons bearing glowing/glimmering/bleeding signs, sigils, runes, or marks of any other kind on their forehead.

285) Despite appearances, that really is a Shinigami, not a mess the 4th division neglected to clean up.

285a) Shinigami Schlock is, however, ordered to stop calling himself a Sergeant. We use numbered seats here. Pick one.

285b) omnious hum...

285c) After demonstrating his ability to release Shikai, Shinigami Schlock is hereby granted the special rank of Sergeant provided that he doesn't use said Shikai again within Soul Society.

286) All efforts to recruit Himura Kenshin into the ranks of the Shinigami are hereby suspended. He's turned us down for years and he's quite happy living with his two female... friends out in the woods of Soul Society.

286a) That means you can't try to recruit Kaoru or Tomoe to draw him in either. Seriously people you should know better.

286b) Especially you Kenpachi. We don't care that you already recruited his chicken-haired friend.

287.) Could you please stop messing with robots, that AnthroPC has already found a way into the SS, please stop trying to keep his attention.

287a) Wait, you mean that little robot is Yachiru's bankai? Okay, new rule.

288. Any event that would cause the release of Yachiru Kusajishi's bankai is prohibited. Yes, Aizen, we can and will enforce this rule on you as well.

289) The administration and/or testing of mind altering drugs is forbidden during Captain Meetings

289a) I doesn't matter that to was the calmest meeting we ever had! Everything we decided during it was stupid!

289b) YES!! That includes the Doom Balloon! We don't need Kenpachi flying a Cartoonish Blimp armed to the teeth!

289c) Yay balloon ride is fun Ken-chan loves it too

290) When the Kurosaki twins graduate, they are to head to my division. - Unohana

290a) No, mine. - Soi Fon

290b) Piss off. They're mine. - Zaraki

290c) Will you morons hold off discussing their graduation until they've at least enrolled? - Hitsugaya

290d) Yeah! Besides, I'm going to give the pair as a present to Shiro-chan!

290e) This rule has been classified as an abuse of authority. Consider it repealed. After all, the next joint rulers of Seiretei should not be biased towards any one division. –Yamamoto

290.f.) Stay the hell away from my little sisters you freaks!

290.g.) I'm afraid I'll have to agree with my son on this one, Retsu-chan. Yamamoto-taicho. They can join Ukitake-kun. If he's good. -Kurosaki Isshin

290h.)Ukitake is a good boy. –Ukitake

291) Do not anger Kurosaki Yuzu. EVER. I don't know what Father said, or what she did, but he just sits in his room, rocking back and forth, and repeating "I'm sorry," over and over again.

292.) This one has vowed to live a life of peace. This one's friends who happen to be women have not. You, as shinigami, should know that not even Hell has fury like a woman defending her property.

292a.) This one humbly asks to forgive the use of the ruleboard without proper clearance.

292b.) By order of Commander-General Yamamoto, the Seireitei Ruleboard is to be guarded and observed at all times, effective immediately. All divisions shall rotate through this duty and failure will be most harshly punished.

292c.) This one agrees fully. Please do not bother this one again. This one is quite sick of dragging the beaten carcasses of overly inquisitive shinigami back to Seireitei.

292d.) By order of Commander-General Yamamoto, the Seireitei Ruleboard Guard Duty Detail is hereby suspended, effective immediately. (added in untidy scrawling:)As if we could stop that guy...

("This one" is Kenshin, of course.)

293) After a recent influx of substitute Shinigami, we are adding another division to the ranks of Seireitei. Please try to get along with the newly dubbed TFF division.

293a) Yes, they're mostly ex-ninja. That doesn't mean that you can take them, Soi Fon. In fact, please don't...

293b) ...after the debacle surrounding Captain's Jackets, ranking Shinigami are hereby forbidden from interacting with the TFF division. We'll get them their orders some other way.

293c) For the love of the Spirit King, stop sending them Hell Butterflies. There isn't a Shinigami in the Society who could miss the fights that break out over those...

293d) Low-ranking Shinigami who have yet to release their Shikai are ordered to stop going to the TFF division for 'inspiration'. Many of their swords are nothing short of ridiculous.

293e) The next Shinigami who claims that his sword's name is Amadeus, and that the call is 'Rock me', will be sent to the 4th division to help with bedpan duty for the next century.

294) Whoever it is who's been distrubiting the book of nude drawings of the Shinigami Women Association, please stop. If they find you, they will kill you... and it will not be pleasant.

294b) So will Kyoraku-taichou; apparently, he's the only male alive who's supposed to know about Nanao's tattoo.

294c) Yachiru-fukutaicho is also pissed; why wasn't she included in the picture-book?

294d) ... the stupid fuck who agreed with her, Kenpachi wants your name & rank. You are now being transfered to 11th Division.

294.e) ... And Unohana-taichou has informed us that she doesn't have an open bed for you, ever; she suggests you head to 12th Division for treatment.

Rule 293e shall be stricken from the book, apperently there is a Shikai in the TFF section called Amadeus that transforms into a chain-"axe".

294f.) Yamamoto-sotaichou would like the person who created the book to come forward; he want's to know how you managed to get that picture of Yoruichi... and Kuukaku... in the bath...

295) Whoever put Vice Captain Kusajishi and Inoue-san in the same kitchen is ordered to report to the mess hall for cleanup duty.

295a) Cleanup duty will consist of consuming what they produced. Nice knowing you.

296) For your continued health and safety, do not mention 'Agent Strawberry' within Captain Aizen's vicinity.

296 a) Even if it is funny seeing him acting totally paranoid. Just... don't do it.

297) The F.E.A.R pointman is to be left alone. He's got a rough enough time of things as it is.

298) Nomad's nanosuit is cool and all, but seriously Soi-Fong, stop stalking him. The other divisions have had it dealing with the aftermath of one of your 'catch the ninja in the funny clothes' moments.

298a). No, Soi-Fong, you can't have one of your own, even if you ask nicely.

298b). That was not an invitation to shag him into getting you one.

Totally worth it! WHEEE! SUPER NINJA STEALTH TIME!

299) Madness?

300) THIS...IS...SPARTA!

301) Damn it, who smuggled '300' into the 11th?!

301a. 'whistles innocently' - Zaraki

302) The use of illegal substances in the ranks of the Gotei 13 is strictly prohibited. Violators will be punished harshly. -C.G. Yamamoto

302a) Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that Dr. Feelgood and Ninja-girl could outsmoke you old man. -Z.K.

302b) Feh. Pussies. -U.R.+S.F.

303) Please note the Death note is not ours nether is it a toy. Please dispose of it immediately.

303a. Nor is the Shinigami attached to the Note.

303b) Nor is the human attached to said Shinigami a substitute Shinigami.

304) You can have a Wii and a copy of Bleach: Shattered Blade. Or a PS3. Not both

305) If Naruto Uzumaki and Sajin Komamura meet, be prepared for anything.

305a) If Kurotsuchi is included in the meeting, the general area should be evacuated.

305b) General area? More like the entire sector if we go by the "spar" Zaraki-taicho and Uzumaki-san. We've still got 11th members in the hospital for spirit energy overexposure. Maybe also the nearest Rukongai districts as well too. We're overflowing with new recruits as it is.

306) TFF members are no longer allowed to touch anything from the 4th and 12th division without expressed permission, signed in triplicate, and submitted 3 days in advance.

307) 12th seat Danzo of the 2nd division. You are to cease and desist any and all plots and or schemes you have made with Captain Mayuri for the purpose of creating "Super Babies of DOOM!!".

307a) Captain Unohana wants to have words about what you did to hers and Kenpachi's Coffee.

308). Kakashi Hatake and Hitsugaya are not related in any way.

309) It is not possible to create a Vizard/Arrancar fusion,

309a) So stop trying Mayuri.

309b) Seriously Ichigo is threatening to offer to work for Aizen over what you did with him and Neliel.

309c) No we're not talking about forcing them to do the fusion dance.

309d) No one is allowed to supply the 'chemical' Mayuri used for his experiment to Neliel so she can get Ichigo to try the test again, or any like 'chemical'. Furthermore no one may sell Oysters to Neliel either.

310) Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki is henceforth classified as a class A mutagenic factor and as such under article 7 clause 5 of the containment of dangerous substances act. Confined to the 12th division R&D lab. - Kurotshuchi Nemu.

311). Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo, why exactly is that blonde Arrancar woman following you around? Did you not read Rule 20?

311a). Fuck if I know why, something about a bond of servitude after I managed to beat her, back in Las Noches.


	4. Chapter 4

312) Rule 310 is now retracted until such a time the R&D lab is rebuilt

312) Rule 310 is now retracted until such a time the R&D lab is rebuilt. Some idiot filled it with the wrong equipment, and the 4th Division claimed that the bed, whips, and other items were theirs. Eh? Nemu, put down the pipe, SLAM ARGH! STOP! STOP! Rest of the message is covered in blood - Captain Kurotsuchi M.

313) Substitute Shinigami are now honorary members of the Janitorial Division. - Captain Unohana

314) All attempts at getting a law passed stating that "Substitute Shinigami are now honorary members of the Janitorial Division" are henceforth banned. Ichigo Kurosaki will not be coming by your residence to "fix your leaky pipes" as the Women's Association put it. - Captain Yamamoto

315) Revoking Rule 313 is punishable by having a tense and angry Captain Unohana use her Bankai followed by a Barium enema. - Captain Unohana

316) Rule 313 is hereby... how did she do that? - Captain Yamamoto

317) Telling Captain Soifon that her best chance to ever get with Yoruichi is through a threesome with Ichigo Kurosaki is deemed hazardous. Medical Bills will be taken out of the victims pay.

317a) Apparently, the entire TFF Division took it upon themselves to convince Captain Soifon of this fact with evidence in the form of pictures and videos. Will the remaining non-incapacitated members please convince her that killing Ichigo Kurosaki is not the way to free "Yoruichi-sama" from his clutches is to give him death? Maimed enough to be sent to 4th Division is preferred.

317b.) Yoruichi-sama we appreciate your efforts to stabilize the situation, but did you have to invite Soi Fon to join the two of you like that? Her smile is creeping us all out and we've had to break up several dozen catfights with Kuchiki Rukia.

317c.) And Shiba Kuukaku.

317d.) And Unohana Retsu.

318) It is not permissable to ask who's in charge of the TFF Division. Asking results in a Division Civil War.

319) Quit stealing all our women Ichigo! You have living women and Arrancar already!

320). It's not enough.

321) For the last time Kurotshuchi: NO ORBITAL ANTI HOLLOW WEAPONRY!!.

321a) Why?, Because we 1. Don't have the budget. 2. We know you'll use them on us at some point.

321b. And (3) how exactly are we going to put one up into orbit, much less find the power to fire it?

321c) (4) We are not stealing NASA's.

321d.) Or asking the occasionally visiting Sith Lords

321e.) That includes that sociopathic hunk of Junk following Revan around.

321f) Or asking acting shinigami Enterprise to transport them up there.

322) The 4th division is no longer allowed to watch the movie "300" or any similar movie

322a) nor are they allowed to build a large hole to toss uncooperative 11th division members

322b) who ever provided "300" is now responsible for bringing the morale of the 11th division back up

322c) they just haven't been the same since the nurses from the 4th division beat them up and threw them out of their barracks.

323) And we are not using acting shinigami Enterprise and the visiting Sith Lords to debate SW. Vs ST.

324) Flarnith of the TFF division must tear apart the Anti-Hollow Tank dubbed 'Ghostkilla', we purify with the soul cutters, not massed firepower. -G.C. Yamamoto

324a) Worth it. -Flarnith

325). Kurosaki Ichigo and Zaraki Kenpachi are not allowed to fight over Unohana Retsu.

325a). We all know she loves the Berry, anyway. - Ichigo.

325b) . Feh. She's gonna be disappointed by the fact that your huge ass sword is only that big because of overcompisation. - Kenpachi.

325c.)... Bankai. - Ichigo.

326). Whoever wrote this rule will be punished by being made to clean up the mess this two idiots made... by themselves. - Yamamoto-soutaicho.

327). And there's no need to overcompisate, anyway - Kurosaki-kun's equipment is perfectly sized. ... As is Zaraki-taicho's. – Unohana

327a). Please stop talking about your or other people's... ah... Equipment, shall we say, on this board. Some people just dont really need to know. Taicho, how would you know it is perfectly... sized...

Oh.

Oh my.

327c.) That's something best experienced for yourself, Isane-chan. If you'd like I could arrange something later. Isshin-kun is happy to help set times when visitors can meet with Ichigo-kun.

327d.) Rule #326c is hereby repealed under the anti-pimping laws in regards to Kurosaki Ichigo already on this list.

And the anti-matchmaking law, Retsu. Do you honestly think we didn't see that one coming?

328.) Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo and Division Eleven captain Zaraki Kenpachi will hereby keep their 'spars' limited to unpopulated areas or the training grounds granted to the Eleventh Division. We don't care how much fun you had when you saw the the look on Captain Kurotsuchi's face after he saw what was left of his private quarters and lab.

328a). That goes for any spar involving the TFF-subdivision and Uzuamki Naruto as well.

The 12th division is not an add-on it is a necessity to research and development.

328b). Whoever called Kurotsuchi-taicho a "Great big clown baby" Vice Captain Nemu would like a word.

Rule: Do not make fun of a captain who could poison the very air you breathe, food you eat, and in your sleep.

329) Kurotsuchi we over look a lot you do over at 12, But keep 3rd seat Eggamn under control, We have had numerous complaints about him transforming most of Rukongai into Shinigami robots.

330) The black hedgehog is to be returned to its appropriate universe

330a) The blue one too

330 Silver and gold hedgehogs can stay

330 c) The above is repealed, all supersonic hedgehogs are to be returned.

330 d) Zarakai and Kurotsuchi-NO!

330 e) Rukia Kuchki may not keep them as pets.

330f) As well as the rabbits Kuchki.

330g) And the two tailed fox Komamura.

331) Cardiff has been added to the list of places Shinigami may not go

331a) Kyoraku, this includes drinks with Jack and Owen

331b) We would like to keep Kurotsuchi away from any and all alien artifacts, the Rift, Torchwood, UNIT ect

331c) No Zarakai, Torchwood will not revive Abbadon so you can fight him. They killed him once, and would prefer to not go through that again.

331d) Zarakai, you may not fight Captain Jack Harkness just because he's immortal

331e) Jack is banned from Soul Society including Rukongai

331f) The Doctor is also banned from Soul Society.

331g) Shinigami are also banned from the Tardis

331h) Especially Kurotsuchi!!

332) The technology of peace is a lie.

332a) Nod is banned from the Soul Society.

333) Kurotsuchi-taichou, cease your experiments with hybridizing Xenomorphs, Zerg, Tyranids and Arachnids into a super-monster! We have enough problems as it is with Hollows, and if these new super-monsters of yours manage to escape from 12th Division headquarters, you're personally hunting and eradicating EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM, ALL BY YOURSELF!

334) Shunsui and Hiko are not allowed to meet.

335) Just because Kenshin uses a sakabato does not mean its wise to fight him

336) You cannot annoy Kenshin just to see if his eyes change color

337) Yamamoto is not Shishio Makoto

338) The official policy regarding the potential Hollow or Arrancar known as Shishio Makoto is to do nothing.

338a) Why? Because the last we heard, he was planning on taking over Hueco Mondo. Might as well let the villains duke it out.

339) Ichigo Kurosaki is to report to the Kuchiki compound at once. You're father has sold you for ¥300,000,000. And a slice of pie.

339a) As said trasaction is legal under both the mortal world's and soul society's laws. No one may complain. - C. G. Yamamoto.

339b) Anyone attempting to actually make me obey that contract has to deal with Yuzu Kurosaki first. She has a written statement signed by me claiming she owns my soul. - Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki.

339c) I'm NOT selling my oniichan! I may lend him out though.- Yuzu Kurosaki (WHAT?! - Ichigo Kurosaki)

339d) Not possible Kurosaki under Soul law until you're majority of 18 years you belong mind, body and soul to the person who gave you life. If said person has passed on then you pass on to the father. So either you move to the Kuchiki compound or pay them ¥600,000,000 and 2 slices of pie. - C. G. Yamamoto's Lawyer.

339e(. . . . Strike that. Kurusaki Yuzu owns Kurusaki Ichigo. The twins convinced their father of the validity of their claim.

339f) How? Once we find all the pieces of his gigai, we can find out.

339g) Incidentally, how did the twins turn the pieces of Isshin's gigai into Horcruxes and seal his soul into them?

339h) I'm more concerned with how they managed to beat him when his powers were already unsealed.

339i) Also, Vice-Captain Yachiru is complaining that she is of majority no matter how she looks and that her claim on Zaraki is thusly valid.

339j.) Due to Ichigo's "Borrowing" of a Apocalyptic grade nuclear weapon, all claims on him are no longer valid

339k.) No more theft of WMD's, we know who raided Iraq an hour before it started...

340) After a series of events, it has been decided that Zarakai will take a class on the phrase "With great power, comes great responsibility". Shinigami Women's Society

340a) We also have slots for other seated officers we may consider enrolling.

340b) Great job, ladies, Kenpachi jumped out the window halfway through, and is walking around saying that he has a responsibility to punch people in the face.

340c) Extra hazard pay is being offered to anyone who can either get Kenpachi to actually finish the class

340d) As a side-note, Fourth Division has been run ragged. Captain Unohana is not amused, ladies.

341) From now on it is required that all captains keep detailed records of the members of their divsion, as Zaraki managed to misplace his whole squad again.

341a) Further it is required to turn in forms detailing all movements of members between divisions to the Supreme Captain before the trade is made. This is to make sure Shunsui doesn't try to trade his entire division with Hitsugaya in order to be in command of the largest female force in all of soul society.

341b). DAMMIT!-Shunsui

341c). Eh... Why is the only girl in our division Yachiru?-Kenpachi

341d) ...Why is 98 of this division made up of women?-Hitsugaya

341e). You're too young to understand Taicho.-Matsumoto

342) Bribing MY lawyer, whether by wealth or a plate of fresh hot cookies, is hereby forbidden. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent lawyer in the Soul Society, what with corrupted souls going to hell? At the very least, bribe me first with those cookies, Yuzu. - C.G. Yamamoto

342a) He's the only one other than Mr Wright. Only reason you get one to yourself and the rest of SS has to share is you're the commander general. – Anonymous

343) Zaraki you can not sent up a permanent residence on Cybertron. We don't care if you view fighting giant robots that are millions of years old as a challenge.

343a.) That does not mean you get to bring the one known as Rampage back with you.

343b.) Yes, you cause more than enough damage on your own without that particular type of lunatic adding to the mayhem.

343c) Shinigami are hereby forbidden from performing Soul Burial on Optimus Prime's Spark for two reasons. One, it is in no danger of becoming a Hollow, due to it getting a new body every few months. Two, do you /want/ to see a truck becoming a Shinigami?

343d) The last question of 343c was rhetorical, damn it.

343e). The shinigami who purified Optimus Prime is now forced to bunk with him. And no, you are not getting a bigger room.

343f) Optimus Prime is not a Vizard, despite the faceplate and the ability to transform. He is Optimus Prime.

344) Jersey City is added to the off limits list. Zaraki stop fighting Coop! We half expect him to show up here.

345) Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson is not the rightful and indisputable King of Soul Society.

345a). The 'Captain' title refers to his position in the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, not the Gotei 13, and it is wrong to tell gullible Academy students that it does. Especially you, Shunsui.

345b) And no Zaraki, he doesn't want to fight you.

345c) Put him back already. Vimes is threatening to arrest us, and since they actually have enough cells now...

345d) Besides, Vetinari is thinking about visiting now. Hurry, before he finds transport!

346) Captain Zaraki will return the Nac Mac Feegle at once. The Fact that they believe they are already in the afterlife, does not give you the right to annex them into your division.

347) Beware of any large yellow, living circles, especially in proximity to flashing white dots.

347a) And as a warning, do not attempt to combat the four coloured Hollows that keep following the yellow circle around. We do not understand why, but they refuse to be stopped in such a manner. I destroyed the things personally with Ryuujinjakaa, and they still came back!

348) Whoever managed to summon the Langoliers is going to get an enema from Ryuujinjakka!

348a) This is actually Kusajishi-fukutaichou's shikai, Yamamoto-soutaichou-sama.

349) Do not disturb the eight-inch tall pink puffball.

349a) We're still gathering up Captain Kurotsuchi after it coughed up his liquefied form.

349b) Division 11 is forbidden from confronting the thing. Given its tendency to emulate people, we have enough trouble dealing with one hyperactive pink fight-maniac.

349c) Zaraki-taichou, I said do not confront... Oh damn.

349d) We're going to need repairs for the 11th Division's barracks. They seem to have been... eaten...

349e) Additionally, the pink puffball ate the Soukyoku. Run!

350) Zaraki and Kratos are not to fight/spar/duel/or any manner of fighter within city walls.

350a). If you must fight, take it somewhere where there isn't any sentient life on the entire planet.

351) I don't care if it works we do not kill hollows by jumping on there heads.

352) And no we are not having a race between Minato, Yoruichi and that blue rat.

353) The souls of the damned do not go to the 11th and 12th divisions and telling new academy students this is punishable by either Captain Zarakai or Captain Kurotsuchi

354) Ferrying souls to the Soul Society on the premise of "gurenteed division of your choice" is scamming and unlawful

354 a) This means you Urahara

355) Shiba explosives are no longer permitted to be used by unseated officers

355 a) Or seated for that matter

355 B ) This means you Captain Kuchki

355 c) We don't care how they looked at Rukia, detonating the entire east region is not the answer

356) All shinigami are now required to take verbal and cognative exams before entry to the human world in a gigai

356 a) Yes, this is referring to the "10 Way Gang War" incident

356 B ) Yachiru should not have been in New York anyways

357) In light of the "Ruldolph masacre" Vice Captain Abarai is now required to wear a wig while in the human world

357 a) He is also banned from Christmas visits

357 B ) And Christmas parties

358) I will not be called "Ice Cube," "Shortstop," "Snow Cone," or any referances to dwarves Captain Hitsugaya

359) Holiday songs are now banned from the Soul Society as Captain Zarakai does not take being sung "Jingle Bells" well

359 a) The SS Band is forbidden from playing "Sleigh Ride" as SOME PEOPLE seem to think that it's "Slay Ride"

360) Would someone please tell the guy in purple armor with a sword bigger than Zarakai's that we do not possess any fragments of Soul Edge?C.G. Yamamoto

360 a) HIS SWORD IS WHAT?Captain Zarakai

360 B ) ZARAKAI NO!! Crap! When all seated officers stop him from killing this guy, Zarakai is not allowed to wield Soul Edge. His zanpakto is scary enough as it is, it doesn't need to be demonic.

360c). Too late...

361) GIVE ME YOUR SOULS!! – Zaraki

362) Cheyenne Mountain is off limits.

363) If anyone spots a smiling, white-faced man in a purple tuxedo, evacuate the realm immediately , because what we have dreaded most has, indeed, come to pass

364) Do not attempt to bring in anyone from Free Country USA, no matter how many times they appear to die. The last time we did that, Kenpachi had to be locked in the Fun Box for 3 days.

365) Ignore the imp in the stupid hat. He'll be gone in 90 days.

366) No, Zarakai, you can't beat Doomsday. If Superman couldn't do it, you can't. And HE IS NOT A MUTATED HOLLOW!

367) No, General Yamamoto, cameras do NOT suck your soul out. That's our job. Urahara

368) Members of the 10th division are reminded that frozen people are to be shipped to either the 4th or 12th divison for healing not used as coat racks

368 a) Or sake holders!

369) If you see somebody going by the name Gig run the hell away

370) As most people seem to have forgotten Shinigami are forbidden sexual relations under law. Punishable by death.

370a) Why do you think I quit an ran off - Isshin.

370b) And why do you think I'm lunching a civil war. - Aizen.

371) WHAT?? NO SEX? - Jiraiya

371a) That's it! I'm joining Azien.

372) I suppose this is a bad time to mention it is illegal for Shinigami to drink alcoholic beverages during daylight hours.

373) Shunsui and Jiraiya dies (again)

374.) Hey, Yamato has booze in his office...

374a.) Damn, full bar...

374b.) I really don't think the budget was supposed to include strippers either

374c) I paid for that entertainment out of my own pocket and I don't drink until the sun has set. - C. G. Yamato.

374d) And stay out of my office.

375) Come join the winning side. We have free buffet. And what you do off duty is you're own business. - This rule was paid for by the Aizen for god society.

376) You really want to try to tell Unohana-taicho she can't have her Ichigo nookie?

377) Rule 370 has been repealed after the mysterious death of all of Central 46. Again.

378) If anyone sees a young boy, 10-13 years old, with a blue arrow tattooed on his head, followed by a huge 6-legged Bison, a winged long-eared lemur, and several people with elemental abilities, escort them to the gates leading to the other soul realms. The last thing we need are those people running around and causing havoc.

378a) Yeah, we already have Zaraki. - Ichigo

378b) I heard that, Berry-chan. Care to say it to my face, boy? - Zaraki

378c) Anytime, Bell-boy. - Ichigo

378d) Now boys, there's plenty of other things you can do with all that ... stamina... - Retsu

378e) ... Did you know she had a new tattoo? - Ichigo

378f) ... No. No, I did not. Did you know she had a piercing? - Zaraki

378g) ... No, but I wasn't exactly looking at her nose... - Ichigo

379) By order of all the captains and lieutenants no ranking shingami may be nominated to serve in the central 46, no matter how hard press we are to find souls to do it. Their job is more dangerous then ours.

379a) If only because they are a bunch of morons who shouldn't be allowed to tie their own belts, let alone make decisions and rulings for Soul Society!

380) Please note that despite rumours to the contrary you cannot gain a massive power boast by close proximity to Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki.

380a) See rule 22.

381) As of this moment I am saddened to confirm the rumours that have been sweeping Soul Society for the past few months. Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Shinigami. Has passed beyond the grasp of the SWA. As of 00:00 hours this morning he has officially joined a small sect of monks and took Vows of both Chastity and Pacifism. - Hisagi Shuhei Lieutenant 9th division, Acting head of the Seireitei News Network

381a). We are saddened to report the near annihilation of a small sect of monks. Unknown parties were responsible.

381b) And it wasn't Ken-chan! I beat him to it.

381c) Wrong sect.

381d) Vows of Chastity and Pacifism only last until death. Fortunately, no such organization in the Soul Society exists that has those same vows. Sorry Ichigo, but even my betrayal wouldn't be enough to keep the SWA away from me without you to distract them. This Loop-hole is brought to you by Former Captain Aizen.

381e.) On account of the now flash-frozen Kenpachi, any attempts on monestaries is now outlawed.

381f.) Seriously, some monks are scarier than his entire division.

381g) But I'm still alive, even if I'm a Shinigami at the same time! So, the Loophole doesn't work! - Ichigo.

381h). Enough of these loophole/logic arguments! By Royal Decree, Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo is to report for duty at First Division headquarters at 1000 hours tomorrow! - King of Soul Society

382) Ok who opened the spirit gate and let the other afterlife's in?

382a) We need to round them up and send them back now.

382b) I don't care if Kenpachi is sponsoring him for captaincy send Kamina back.

383.) From henceforth, no longer shall any and God of Death enter the human world to "steal away for a little while", a world known psychopathic murder, or otherwise any other mortal.

383a.) Whoever thought it would be fun to abduct "Griffith". You aren't laughing now are you!?

383b.) Including the abduction of "Deedlit". We still don't know how the human did it.

383c.) Damnit Kenpachi, who the hell told you it was okay to bring up the half-demon Inuyasha!? Damnit we're still cleaning up! –Renji

384) Please note we are not allowed to promised preferential treatment in the Soul Society to mortals to get our way.

384a) This includes threatening to send Mangaka to hell if they don't pair Character X and Y together.

384b) And threatening television executives to get show's back on the air.

384c) I don't care how much you enjoyed this "Justice League" You will not abuse you're powers for such trivialities Unohana. - C.G. Yamamoto.

385) The TFF Division is still subject to the list while in their mortal bodies, it is wrong to imply otherwise.

385a) 'Talking to yourself' in a place they 'happened to overhear' is not a viable excuse Urahara.

386) Gun Kata users are not to be taken because they'd offer a challenge.


	5. Chapter 5

387

387.) Whatever idiot decided to abduct Vader's "Secret" Apprentice had better let the guy go before Vader shows up again.

387a.) It doesn't matter if the plan was to prevent him from actually dying...

388.) Probationary Seated Officer Koschei, what in the name of the King are you doing in R-and-D?! Even Kurotsuchi-taichou's afraid to go near it now!

388a.) Don't worry, old man. Soon, everyone will be able to hear the drumming.

388 b.) Something is telling me that the floating spheres actually have nothing to do with Kurotsuchi this time

388 c.) Who let this guy in anyways?

388d ) Probationary seat 12 of squad 11 Ace has an idea.

389.) Bankai is NOT compensation.

390.) Lemarchand, no more puzzel boxes.

390a.) Kenpachi, stop forcing him to make more...

390b.) I don't care if that lunatic leading the creatures coming out of it seems to be a good fight.

391.) Although TFF Division Shinigami Drakensis is NOT hiding in Seireitei from his reviewers... the bribe is that much? Okay, TFF Division Shinigami Drakensis is to get himself a gigai and get back to work on Poker Night.

391.a). I don't care how much you got bribed. I can bribe you better. - Drakensis

391.B.) Make me an offer.

391.c). Emerge and Write, Spamfic!

391.d). You win

392.) Orihime Inoue is not the King/Queen of Soul Society, and is not engaging in a plot to assign Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki as her personal bodyguard.

393.) Orihime Inoue is not engaging in a plot with Rukia Kuchki, Kukaku Shiba, Retsu Unohana, and Yoruichi Shihoin to share Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki between themselves.

393a.) The Arrancar Nel is not a member of this plot.

393b. Neither is renegade Espada Hallibel.

394) Kurotsuchi-taichou stop operation infinite straw.

394a) We do not need nor want an Army of Ichigo Kurosaki clones.

394b) All Ichigo Kurosaki clones are to be handed over to the Shinigami Woman's Society for 'disposal' immediatly.

394c) Belay that order they are to be sent to the 1st division for disposal via Ryūjin Jakka.

395). The two individuals known as Yagami 'Kira' Raito and L 'Last Name Censored' are not the co-captains of a new division known as the 'I am JUSTICE' division.

395a). Their IQ is WHAT?!

396). Rule 395 is rescinded. We do not need people like that on any other side; on ours is bad enough.

397.) Co-captain Yagami is not to be allowed any sort of writing implement.

397a). Yes, L, this does mean you have to do all the paperwork. You're compensated in sugar.

397b.) Let the genius sit how he wants.

397c.) L, are you really allowed to add to this list?

397d.) Yes. How did you get ahold of that pen, Raito-kun?

397e.) It's a secret.

398). Mentioning the name 'Kharn' near Captain Zaraki is forbidden. Even if the 11th Division could take on the World Eaters any day.

398a). Mentioning the name 'Fabius Bile' near Captain Kurotsuchi is similarly forbidden.

398b). And don't even START with mentioning 'Slaanesh' around Captain Kyoraki. Vice-Captain Nanao still cannot walk properly from the last time.

399) Kurotsuchi-taichou, do I even want to know where you got those pepperpot-shaped things? Much less how you got them to follow your orders?

400) Urahara, as soon as Kurotsuchi-taichou figures out a way to disable that new toy of yours, we are going to have a very-in-depth conversation as to how you came across the Cruciform.

401) Kyoraku-taicho is not to be referred to as "Captain Grab-Ass"

401a) Yamamoto-taicho is not called "Captain Grandpa"

401c) Unohana-taicho is not "Captain Mom"

401d) Ichigo-kun can call me whatever he wants to.

402) No one attempt to fight Majeh, emissary of hell whever he visits Soul Society or earth. THIS MEANS YOU KENPACHI ZARAKI!

402a)I mean it Zaraki! Dont you dare try to break his seals again on him just to have a good fight!

402b) Shit! Get to the underground bunkers! Zaraki broke the seals again. We may have to rebuilt part of Sereitei again after this incident.

403) No one is to inform or mention about the Moorim, the magical realm where the fiercest warriors stayed in Hell when Zaraki or any of the 11th Division presence.

403a) What, Zaraki found out about it! Organize a task force to bring him back we do not need another interdimensional incident. Our relationship with hell is tenuous at best at the moment.

404) The Gotie 13 does not need a space armada. Kurotsuchi.

404a) I don't care if each division gets it's own fleet.

404b) And Yachiru does not need access to anything called a 'Planet Smasher'

404c) ... What do you mean, Shunsui's already talked Esther McQueen into commanding it?

404d) And Honor Harrington too?!

405.) Someone send the pepperpots to the living world where there are people to deal with them!

405 a.) On second thought, we'll give the guy a break and let Zarakai deal with them.

405 b.) ALRIGHT!!

406) Added to the list of movies banned from 11th Division: Saving Private Ryan

406a) And Full Metal Jacket. We don't need Zaraki-taichou acting like Gunnery-Sergeant Hartman.

407) Movies along the same vain as 'Out Break' and 'Resident Evil', ie: movies with accidental virus out breaks on plague level, are not to be shown to anyone in, planning to join, or in most cases ever HAS BEEN in 12th Division. We don't need them getting ideas.

407 a) Yes, this means not showing the games or books there of to them!

407b) This includes 4th division.

407c) Yeah, no need to get Fourth Division screaming for your arse to be put up on a wall somewhere.

408) In response to rules 256 and 382, all beings from the universe Kamina came from are not allowed in this universe.

408a) I don't care if Simon will 'pierce the heavens with his drill' Aizen, you may not bring him here.

408b ) No-one is allowed to join the Great Gurren Brigade.

409) Rule 408 has been repealed under threat of Soul Society being utterly destroyed by the Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann.

410) The Great Gurren Brigade is now offically a part of the Gotei 13.

410a) No one may leave their Division to join the Great Gurren Brigade.

410 B.) You can not declare all shinigami to be members of the Great Gurren Brigade, Kamina.

411) Kamina is hereby ordered to stop stealing other people's swords.

411a) Even if he can can use their abilities better then their owners.

411b) Especially if he can use them better then their owners.

411c) Kamina has claimed ownership of Kenpachi Zaraki's zanpakto and released it's power. May god have mercy on souls.

411d) No. -Aizen

411e) You aren't god. -Ichigo

411f) ...yet. -Aizen

412) I'm back bitches! -Kenpachi

412a) He actually got it back...amazing...

413) Ok just own up if whoever is responsible just owns up I promise there will be no reprisals. - C.G Yanamoto.

413a) Speck for yourself. - Ichigo.

413b) I agree with strawberry. - Kenpachi.

413c) I have seen things that cannot be unseen. I will have vengeance - Former 5th captain Aizen

413d) Do you know who many fires I have had to put out - Captain of 10th squad Hitsugaya

413e) If you want the music to stop just fulfil the summons- Sweet.

414) Ichigo is not allowed to scare academy students with his hollow mask.

415) Forbidden Battle Cries:

-SPOON!!

-Your mom!

-Leeroy Jenkins!!

-Surprise Buttsecks!

415a.) "Surprise Buttsecks!" is only an acceptable battle cry during spars between Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki and Fourth Division Captain Unohana.

415.B.) Correction, it is only usable in a match between Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki and Fourth Division Captain Unohana BY Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki.

415c.) The following have been added to the list of inappropriate battlecries:

- Tobi is a good boy!

- Art is a bang, un!

- For the harem!

- The one with the highest kill count gets Ichigo to herself tonight!

- Cry! Scream! And then, DIE!!

- This is my story and you're not a part of it.

- Screw you guys, I'm going home.

415d) And Pony.

415e) it is NOT a good day to die.

415f) it IS a good day for SOMEONE ELSE to die! - zaraki-taicho

415g) Wreck and Rule is added to the list. Unless you happen to actually be one of the Wreckers.

415h) "Its-a me, Mario" is also banned

415i) Even if you change it to Luigi.

415j) And anyone using the battle cry "Respect My Authority" shall be executed.

416) due to again the deaths of the ruleing 46 rule 415 has been repelled.

417) Due to the lack of a current Ruling 46 and combined with the fact no one is willing to take the position by claiming its cursed, it is now mandatory to serve the term given to you by random lottery of the population of the Soul Society. Also, having your will up to date is highly advised through bi-weekly updates.

418) For Heroes or other beings marked with a "Return to Sender" flag, please do not go to their current location and see what ridiculous ways they can die before being 'restored.' Devon Aidendale is starting to develop a rather respectable paranoia of things despite his memory being wiped of his death during the restoration process. While the jokes on HOW they die in the paperwork is good, and surprisingly never backlogged, Roger Wilco discovered his own past collection of deaths and wants to put a stop to this. He threatens to strike and stop cleaning and fixing the toilets.

419) It is unlawful to sell the location of former Shinigami Captain Kurosaki Isshin to his fanclub. We all know he left to escape them and should honor his wishes.

420) I did not inhale is NOT an acceptable excuse. (Bonus points for the peeps who get that joke with this number.)

421) There is not a secret pole dancing Academy within the confines of Seireitei for the purposes of seducing Kurosaki Ichigo OR Kurosaki Isshin. It is wrong to tell gullible young ladies this.

421a.) Yeah, we moved it over to Kuukaku-chan's house after we ended up giving poor Shiro-chan a nosebleed.

421b.) We agreed not to mention that again, Matsumoto.

422) Mayuri has forbidden Elmyra Duff from joining the 12th divison, as it would be "a crime against all of humanity"

422.a) Yeah. She's THAT bad.

423.) Whoever let in Light Yagami in is going to pay dearly.

423b.) If Light Yagami is seen with a notebook or paper confescate it immediatly

423 c.) And don't take it to the 12th Division!! Whatever you do!!

424.) Shinigami are requested to use proper grammar when speakingThe Grammar Police (TGP)

424a.) Abarai, "Senbonzakura" is not a verbTGP

424b.) Nor is it a proper verb, there's no such categoryTGP

424c.) We don't care if Captain Kuchki says it isTGP

425.) Rule 424 has been repealed after a brief and mild meeting with Captain KuchkiTGP

426) Who told Kenpachi about the Black Fleet? Now he's trying to bring Klingons into the Soul Society.

427) No Shinigami may pose as a warrior cultures death-god in order to recruit for their division. This means no making a Klingon ship to Sto'vokor, no dressing all your women as valkries, no going around in floor-length black robes, and nothing else we havn't thought of yet!

.

428) Ichimaru-taicho is henceforth forbidden from dressing in a floor-length black robe and skull mask. One batch of terrified Academy students is enough.

428b) As is Hitsugaya-taicho. The frozen and terrified batch was worse.

429) The person who let Gilgamesh into Soul Society will pay. Dearly.

430) Attempts made to convince Hitsugaya-taicho that he is really Emiya Shirou are heavily discouraged.

430a) That goes for you as well Matsumoto.

431) Emiya Shirou, Hitsugaya Toushirou and Ukitake Jyushirou are not related.

431a) Attempts to enter one universe to prove otherwise are forbidden. We don't need that bunch of crazies here.

432.)Shinigami are forbidden from wearing Red Contacts, costumes, and carrying notebooks while on duty.

432a). We're serious. We don't need anymore people like that Light boy.

433.) Whoever it was that introduced Ukitake-taicho to Tetris, thanks. Now he won't do his paperwork, and Kiyone & Sentaro started a civil war to determine who's in charge of 13th Division.

433a.) And no, Kuchiki Rukia is not playing both sides against each other in order to take command when they destroy each other and make Kurosaki Ichigo her fukutaicho.

433b.) We all know she plans to make Abarai Renji her fukutaicho. - Renji

433c.) Why would she want you, mutt? - Ichigo

433d.) Better than some stupid fruit, bitch-boy. - Renji

433.e) You know, if she does make you her fukutaicho, Byakuya will kill you. - Ichigo

433f.) ... I hate it when you're right. – Renji

434:) If we don't want a certain bunch of crazies from another universe here, then we are not to mention that we can't visit them on this list, because one of us will go get them

435.) To whomever let in the Revan, you know from the Jedi universe, prepare for immediate execution.

436) I know that the Soul Hunters are supposed to be our alien agents on the mortal realm, but how exactly did one get into Seireitei while it was still alive?!

437) Mister 'Douglas Adams' is not allowed ANY contact what-so-ever with Kurotsuchi-taichou on pain of being attacked by their co-creations.

437a). The Pillars are to be removed from 12th division's access AT ONCE.

438). Okay, who the HELL let Kishimoto into Soul Society?!

438a). Ah, it appears there was a mistake. Kishimoto Masashi is to be transferred to the Plot Hole Pit of Hell as soon as possible.

438b). To keep Joanne Kathleen Rowling, among others, company.

438c). NO, it doesn't matter if they're still alive. They deserve it. —Central 46, among others.

439). ...Ukitake-taichou is never to be disturbed while he is knitting.

439a). And neither is Gwendal.

439b). If you make fun of them, 4th division will not fix your injuries.

439c). But they will fix the knitting needles. Because Ukitake-taichou gets cross without them.

440) Mister 'Douglas Adams' is not allowed ANY contact what-so-ever with Kurotsuchi-taichou on pain of being attacked by their co-creations.

440a) The Pillars are to be removed from 12th division's access AT ONCE.

441) Okay, who the HELL let Kishimoto into Soul Society?!

441a) Ah, it appears there was a mistake. Kishimoto Masashi is to be transferred to the Plot Hole Pit of Hell as soon as possible.

441b) To keep Joanne Kathleen Rowling, among others, company.

441c) NO, it doesn't matter if they're still alive. They deserve it. —Central 46, among others.

442) ...Ukitake-taichou is never to be disturbed while he is knitting.

442a) And neither is Gwendal.

442b) If you make fun of them, 4th division will not fix your injuries.

442c) But they will fix the knitting needles. Because Ukitake-taichou gets cross without them.

443) Kenpatchi must never drive the Hummer.

443 a.) Even in an emergency

443 b.) The Hummer owns. This is a law.

444) Kenpatchi is not allowed to "floor it" in any vehicle

444 a) And Yachiru should not drive. EVER.

445) If Captain Zaraki screams like a girl, it spells the end of the universe

445 a) This means don't try it.

446) If Kenpachi manages to get a hold of Convenant vechiles, run away.

447.)Should Captain Zaraki ever learn of the existance of Liandri Corporation's Unreal Tournament, you are invited to assume the "Kiss your ass goodbye" position.

447 a) Should Xan Kreigor and Zaraki ever meet, run.

448) henceforth and Henceworth, no shinigami is allowed to annoy Mr. Black. That means you Kenpachi.

Seriously, Kenpachi keeps annying the man, and we find out about all the 'accidents' all over the place.

No, Yachiru, you are not allowed to keep the nundu, no matter how cute you think it is.

449) Keeping a Tarrasque as pet is forbidden. Especially since they aren't very obedient pets. And also because if a Tarrasque decides to destroy Soul Society, there's really nobody outside of Orihime-san who can permanently stop it... assuming we can kill it in the first place.

449a) No, Captain Zaraki, we don't care if you think a Tarrasque is fun to spar with. You STILL can't have one as pet. Where would you put it anyway? They are all too damn big!

450) Henchgirl and Kurotsuchi-taichou are not allowed in the same room. EVER.

450a) ...You're probably best off not letting him near the Professor, either.

451) All rumors that Renji enjoys erotic asphyxiation is completely false.

451a) That includes using his shikai to do it. -Byakuya

452) All Shinigami, please note that we are currently dealing with a dangerous infestation. Due to a contest between Captain Kurotsuchi and Urahara, which we still aren't sure if it got out of hand or is still within their plans, orders are spread to either contain, banish, or kill all of the creatures these two idiotic geniuses have unleashed. Captain Kurotuschi was the one who released the various Slime and Gelatinous Cube monsters currently devouring the western portion of Soul Society. Urahara somehow got his hands on countless Langoliers and are eating the Eastern portion of Soul Society.

452a) Go ahead, Kenpachi. The Langoliers will probably entertain you more in a fight. EAST, you Idiot! Not North! He just has to be a Hibiki, somehow.

452b) Who ever sent Rangiku and Nemu to the west to deal with Kurotsuchi's creations...bring them backup. Also, thank you.

453) It has come to our attention that Emiya Shirou has actually been dead and a Shinigami for quite some time, yet currently occupies his still living body like a Gigai. Unfortunately, we have no rules or regulations on how to deal with this situation, just like with Ichigo. Also, I'm not dealing with the paperwork on trying to get rules written and set about these rare instances. Its not like more then two of these beings will show up.

-Correction: Three of these beings, we forgot about Mr. Black. There shouldn't be anymore.

453a) Yes, that means the Reality Marble of his is actually his Zanpakuto. So to all Shinigami who attempted to brag and show to him that their Zanpakuto was better then his, no complaining about how unfair it was he copied yours and now its merely a part of his collection. This includes you Captain Kuchiki.

453b) Captain Kurotsuchi, if you want to go and kidnap Emiya for experiments, we are not going to stop you. And when you end up face to face with the women in his household, we are not going to save you either. Urahara is petitioning to reacquire his old job back, and we need an excuse.

454) Substitute shinigami Kurosaki dose not have the power of the king Aizen

454a) Neither is he Zero

454b) Or a prince of the Holy Empire of Britannia

454c) And no Kurotsuchi he does not have any Knightmare Frames.

454d) Lloyd Asplund is not alloyed to join the 12 division.

454e) The same goes for Lakshata Chawla See Rule 63

455) We are not recruiting Spartan-IIs, and, or llls after death. Who ever is spreading thees roomers we will find you and you will be punished appprobatly.

455a) On a totally ,and completely unrelated note i would like to introduce some of our newest Shinigami :

Samuel,

Grace,

Anton

William

Kurt

Malcolm,

Sheila

Shane

Robert

Jane

Adam

Min

Holly

Dante

456) Soul Society does not, as some have assumed, have a policy of making anyone who looks like the King into the King.

456)a) So put away the rhinestones and hair gel, Aizen.

457) Betraying the Soul Society is actually not illegal

457 a) However any crimes committed while doing so are still illegal. So we still get to kill Aizen

458) Please note the uniform is mandatory.

458a) This means you can't wear the bunny girl costume on duty Matsumoto.

458b) I don't care if the rest of soul society says otherwise.

459.) Elvis is the King

Thank you, thank you very much.

460.) Contrary to popular belief Elvis is not the king of Soul Society because he faked his death.

460 a) No, that does not mean he will become the king if you kill him.

461.) Kyouraku-taichou, please stop telling the students that Squad Zero was started by John Lennon.

461a.) ...No, I don't care if he's your drinking buddy and he told you so. He's lying.

462.) Will someone please make that kid in black and his escorts leave? There's enough contention about the King of Soul Society without the lilac-haired guy fussing about "Your Majesty!" every three seconds.

462a.) ...Gwendal can stay, though. He keeps Ukitake-taichou happy and not killing everyone because they 'just don't appreciate' his new wedding-ring shawl — the one he worked on for three and a half years.

463). And someone get rid of that nutjob who's trying to start a crochet guild. Ukitake and Gwendal are having entirely too much fun planning how to rid him of his crocheting delusions and follow the One True Path of textile creation.

464) Would whomever is distributing Yaoi manga that feature caricatures of Ukitake-taichou and Kyoraku-taichou please stop? The majority of the female shinigami are starting to give the two taichou the creeps.

464a) Why hasn't someone put out a yuri manga about Rangiku-chan and my lovely, lovely Nanao-chan? - Kyoraku

464b) ... Sir, I'll let that pass for the moment, because I understand you are ill. Repeat that, and it's bankai time. - Nanao

464c) ... You have bankai? - Kyoraku

464d) Yes. It's called "Give Yachiru candy and let her loose on you." Want to see? - Nanao

464e) ... No, that's okay, Nanao-chan... – Kyoraku

465) Do not push any red buttons in the research facility otherwise Mayuri will make you suck on his shikai till he thinks green isn't cooler than white!

466) After the recent 'Candid Photo' incident, it has been decided that Seireitei will be putting an annual calendar of noteworthy Shinigami; a 'beefcake' calendar for women and a 'cheesecake' calendar for men.

466a) The Shinigami Women's Association will be responsible for deciding the themes to each calendar.

466b) Any attempts to coerce a member of the SWA to decide on a particular theme will be met with the harshest of any possible punishments; archiving, and organizing, the carbon copies of every last piece of backlogged paperwork.

466c.) except of course any paperwork associated with said calendar

467) A Note from 4th Division: Non-seated shinigami should stay out of the sewer system for the foreseeable future. There is a strange creature that calls himself Pennywise the Clown down there, and he keeps offering us balloons...

468) We don't know who created the rumor that Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN is really a documentary of Seiretei, or that said Game controls the actions of all involved in the workings of Soul Society. but please stop spreading such baseless lies.

468a) Contact McMasters! We've been discovered!!

469) Would 4th seat of 12th division Shinigami Spengler, 5th seat of 12th division Shinigami Stantz, 8th seat of 8th division Shinigami Venkman and 9th seat of 5th division Shinigami Zeddemore stop work on the 'Dehollowing proton pack.'

469a) No, we won't. Traditions be damned, and fuck the Central 46's rulings!

469b) Sens when has any one listened to theme any way.

469c) Well it's not been publicly advertised but due to the state of war and the assassination's of the Central 46 Yamamoto has instigated martial law making himself the central 1.


	6. Chapter 6

470) NO Shinigami is to ever permit the human known as Billy or the human known as Mandy to learn of Soul Society. Yes this also means that they cannot be permitted to die as well.

470a) Especially Mandy. I dont care if that makes her immortal. Keeping her in the mortal world makes it easier for us to keep an eye on her... most of the time.

470 b.) You do realize that Billy already controls an entire afterlife, don't you? -Odin

470c.) And my brother convinced him that he would get some candy after going to others -Thor

471.) The beings known as 'Anthony J. Crowley' and 'Aziraphale' are not to join the Gotei 13.

471a.) Especially not the 11th division.

471b.) No, Aizen, you may not have them either.

471c.) Besides, they'd murder us.

471d.) Gin, since when were you allowed to add to this list? —Matsumoto Rangiku

471e.) Since ever.

472.) Shinigami Shannon Foraker (10th Seat, 12 Division), The Captain General notes that, "Oops", is not considered a full report on the incident that befell Kurotsuchi-taicho.

472a.) Please note Shinigami Foraker has recently been promoted to 5th Seat (Special Projects). Kurotsuchi Nemu, acting Taicho 12th Division.

472b.) Fukutaicho Ise has volunteered to do a more extensive debrief of Foraker-san at the next Shinigami Women's Association Meeting.

472c.) You wouldn't happen to have an alterior motive for learning what happened, do you Nanao-chan?

472d.) Purely interested in having the proper forms completed fully. Why if something untoward happened to you, I'd be stuck doing your paper work...

473.) With regard to the artificial plane of existence referred to as 'Creation', the following rules are hereby instated, punishment for the breech of which will be in the form of selective babysitting Yachiru and Nell for a week. After they are fed Chad's bodyweight in candy each and medicated by Captain Kurotsuchi.

473a) Eleventh Division are prohibited from visiting it at all until such time as this Aizen mess is dealt with. We'd never get them out again and, reluctantly, it must be admitted that the Gotei-13 needs them.

473b.) No attention is to be drawn to the coincidence that there are 13 Divisions and 13 of the possible Hollows referred to as 'Deathlords'.

473c) Captain Kurotsuchi can keep the 'Titan-class Aerial Citadel' that he 'found' as long as the serving Central 46 can hide... er... hold meetings aboard it.

473d) If Five Maidens wearing colour-coded robes should happen to turn up looking for Chejop Kejak, just refer them to the Captain-General and think nothing more of it.

473e) The Scarlet Empress is to be held for questioning.

473f) Anyone attempting to summon Demons out of Malfeas will get to visit them in their home environment, indefinitely.

474.) Shinigami are not permitted to go within 500 feet of Kaname Tousen's wardrobe. We're sick of people switching his clothes with horribly colored versions. Like Pink/Yellow plaid Captain jackets.

474.a). And transparent uniforms.

474.b.) And... well, just about everything that isn't normal.

474.c.) This applies to Arrancar as well.

475.) I don't care if she's a 'Maiden who governs death'. Chloe is not our Queen.

475a.) The same goes for Kirika and Mireille when they die.

475b.) The individual Altena is to be kept far away from all of Seireitei at all times, and she is never to be permitted to become a Shinigami under any circumstances (The last time we had a mellow-looking, cheerful psycho in this place he turned two of our captains).

476.) On a related note, ONLY Shinigami with some obvious mental and/or physical problem are to ever be allowed to become officers or captains, if any captain or officer does not appear to be mentally or physically unusual, then they are to be detained as traitors immediately.

476a.) We are keeping a very close eye on Unohana-taichou.

477.) The souls of all life forms classified as 'Homunculus', especially the subcategory known as 'Humanoid Homunculus', are to be delivered to 12th Division for research purposes. Mayuri Kurotsuchi.

477a.) Any samples of the artifact known as 'Kakugane' would also be appreciated.

478.a) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to tease the female Shinigami with offers of nookie and cuddling whilst they are busy performing their duties, it distracts them and sexually frustrates them-Captain General Yamamoto.

478b.) They're also in a bad mood when you order them to do something afterwards-Kyoraku

478c).Ichigo-chan please report to the Shinigami's Woman's ASSociation immediately to 'discuss' said incidents.

479.) Shinigami on assignment to the human realm are not permitted to use the fact that humans cannot see them outside of a gigai to enter theaters, museums, amusement parks, or any other human location that charges for admission without purchasing a ticket.

479b.) Nor are they allowed into locker rooms, restooms, bedrooms, private places ect. and abuse this fact to entertain themselves in 'any' manner(i.e. pinching a human's ass so they can pin the blame on someone because they were bored, watch human teenagers go at it because it's cheaper than a magazine and offers more variety, lift objects to give the appearance of floating to freak the humans out)

480.) Unranked officer Kukichi, you are to stop cuddling the bunny that came through here with the basket of candy and let it go about its business.

480a.) If you fail to comply, we will give the basket to Vice Captain Kusajishi and lock her in your quarters with you.

480b.) Nor are you allowed to hold hostage the fat man in the red suit.

480c.) Not even if you claim he tried to impersonate Yamamoto-soutaicho.

480d.) He won't give you all the Chappy merchandise you can hold if you threaten him, Kuchiki.

480e.) You might get some nice coal, though...

481.a.) Hell is a different organization than sereitei that mean their agents are not allowed inside except for official business and vice versa-Captain General Yamamoto

481.b.) This means you Captain Zaraki, quit trying to pick a fight with Majeh.

481.c.) Nor are the agents of hell and sereitei allowed to interact with each other except for officiall business. This means you captain Zaraki That means you can't fight him on earth or any other place to get around this rule.

482) Yachiru is not to be given any of the following:

Hallucinogens  
Stimulants  
Depressants  
Marzipan (she has allergies)  
Absinthe  
Moonshine

482b) That includes performance enhancing drugs.

483) Do not eat things that are unfamiliar to you. You may be dead but you can still feel pain. Next time we wont use anesthetics. You will not enjoy getting your stomach pumped.

484) The Shinsengumi and the 11th Squad are not allowed to fight

484a) This includes the Oniwabanshu

484b.) For the love of the King don't bring in the Ishin-Shishi, we don't need another Bakumatsu

485) Any reference that Seta Soujiro is Okita Souji's son is made at your own risk

485a) We don't care how much they look alike Shukuchi is faster than Shunpo we don't wanna take a chance

486) Introducing Commander Kondo and Captain Zaraki is strictly forbidden

486a) What do you mean they've already met?

486b.) Soul Society is now at Defcon 3 for fear that Zaraki and Kondo will get us all killed

487) No attacking either Himura Kaoru or Myojin Yahiko just to see if they can catch your sword

487a) We don't want their friends: Himura Kenshin, Hiko Seijuuro, Saitou Hajime, or anyone else pissed at us

488) No questioning whether Kenshin is actually a girl

488a) How would Kenji have been born if he was?

489) Fights between Sasuke Uchiha and Kenpachi-taicho are to be scheduled on a monthly basis in order to "beat the emo out of him".

490) Attempts to seduce Komamura-taicho using Oirike no Jutsu are forbidden unranked Shinigami Uzumaki. While amusing to watch, it is not fair to whoever has to tell the captain that the girl is not real.

490a) We do not care how much ramen he has promised you, you do not want to carry a littter of kits.

490b) Kurotsuchi-taicho is not allowed to bribe Uzumaki with specially created ramen. This ties into rule 491.

491) Kurotsuchi-taicho is not allowed to cook. Ever.

492) Contrary to popular belief, General Custer and the 7th Calvary are not a part of the Gotei 13.

492a) Despite the fact their horses can use shunpo.

492b) Their guns do not use purifying "soul bullets", and therefore can not join.

492c) I don't care if they do! We can not afford to offend the Native American members of Soul  
Society. -Yamamoto-soutaicho

492d) Especially since they supply you with the best weed. -Kyouroku-taicho

493) To whoever keeps trying to give Kenpachi-taicho the book "1000 Greatest Battles in History", cease and desist immediately. There is a reason why we keep members of the 11th deliberately ignorant.

494.) Teru Mikami is forbidden to hold a pen

495.) Let the 11th Division's 6th seat, Miheal Keehl, have his chocolate.

495 a.) And NEVER call him a girl

495 b.) And when Near dies, don't let the two meet again.

496.) Any attempts to write dramatically are forbidden. We lost count of how many pens have been found lodged in doors, walls, ceilings, Shinigami, trees, Hollows ect

496 a.) On another note, The Dramatic Pen Flourishes are copyright to Light Yagami and Teru Mikami who are not allowed to demonstrate them

497.) Unseated officer Owen Harper is finally expected to stay dead.

497 a.) Because if he's brought back to life one more time he's going to kill the idiot who did it...multiple times.

498) Do not mention the name Demon Eyes Kyo to Captain Zaraki. enough said.

499) Don't let the 11th division watch pro-wrestlng they'll want to emulate the  
moves on other shinigami.

500) Eikichi Onizuka is not allowed to teach at the academy for obvious reasons.

501) He is also not allowed near Capt. Kyoraku for other obvious reasons.

502) No using shinigami powers to cheat on game shows.

502a) Also no using them to help your favorite sports teams win their games.

503) Unseated officer Uzumaki Naruto is now to stay away from all well endowed women as he is now a constant target of rape from them.  
That Includes You Kushina we saw what you did a few months ago.  
and I don't care if she's not a Shinigami Inoue Orihime is to be kept away from him at all times.  
As Is the arrancar Nell - G.C Yamamotto

504.) The so called 'Joker' is not to be let into Soul Society.

504a.) He is not to meet Kenpachi at all cost.

504b). Seriously, do you realize the kind of damage they could do together?

504c) Or Gin. He's creepy enough as it is - anonymous

504d.) This guy's unrepentant! Who the Hell would reall think Hell wouldn't take him first chance they got?!? ~Kurosaki Ichigo

504e.) What makes you think we can keep him? - Hell's liason to Soul Society.

504f.) He'll want to keep himself crazy. And Hell has a way of driving everyone in it absolutely nuts.

505) No shinigami is allowed to go to the netherworld. We don't need more insane powerful idiots coming here.

505a.) GET THAT MAJIN OUT OF HERE!

505b.) Crap! Kenpachi just met the Divine Majin.

505c.) Anyone got marshmallows? We should attach them to Kenpachi the next time he's thrown into the sun.

505d.) Wait, he survived being thrown into the sun?

505e.) Eight times now.

506.) No Shinigami is allowed to fight anyone with red hair anymore. This means you Kenpachi.

506a.) This includes anyone who has hair that turns red.

507). Shinigami Presley will refrain from deliberately being seen in public while on patrol in the Living World. We have enough problems getting your dead fans to move on when they think you are still 'hanging around'.

508) "Burninate the peasants!" is NOT Yammamoto's Bankai release or attack.

508a.) Actually, it is - Yammamoto

509.) Mayuri, what did we say about fighting people with red hair?

509a.) This is for SCIENCE not fighting – Mayuri

509b.) Maybe, but we don't need you getting into a scientist war with Washu. - Yammamoto

509c.) Yeah, even I never messed with her - Urahara

510) Shinigami are not aloud to use my office to hide from fan girls - Yamamotto

510a) Or and of the other captains office's - Yamamotto

510b.) Nor can you sell the soul of other shinigami to escape your fan girls.

511) Zaraki Kenpachi is to never, ever to find out any way of the ways to become a Vizard. We have enough problems as it is with him instigating fights already. At least he uses excuses like 'testing their defense' and 'keeping them their toes' as he is now. -- Yamamoto.

512.) Okay, I don't doubt that he'd eventually get here, but why the HELL is Shunsui, among others, following Happosai? - Yamamoto

512a.) He knows how to have fun and spy on the ladies! - Kira

512b.) The Shinigami Women's Society would like to have a word with you, Kira. And get Happosai as well.

512c.) Hey! Those are *MY* pretties! Get your own! - Happosai

512d.) Can I PLEASE get that Saotome kid in here now? - Kenpachi

512e.) What's the matter, Kenpachi, can't handle him? - Mayuri

512f.) Happosai was feeling me up, Mayuri-sama – Nemu

512g). ...Yamamoto-soutaichou, I agree with Kenpachi, we need that Saotome kid around here now!

512h). Ken-Chan, what did that wrinkly prune mean when he felt my boobies and said 'not ripe yet?' -Yachiru

513.) Correlation to rule 505, Shinigami are no longer allowed to fight *ANYONE* who has hair that can change color.

513a.) With the exception of Uchiha Sasuke. Go ahead and keep beating the Emo out of him, Kenpachi. Make sure to beat some sense in to him as well.

513b.) Can I use the log? - Kenpachi

513c). Go ahead

514.) Shinigami Lovecraft's Shiki is not Rape their faces, Cthulhu

514a). Nor is it Raise the Dead, Necronomicon

515) Hoshigaki Kisame is NOT a hollow. So stop bothering him. Especially YOU Kenpachi.

516.) Kuchiki Byakuya does not have a sense of humor. any joke made around his person is done at your own risk.

516a.) I do have a sense of humor. It's just way more refined than any of yours. - Byakuya.

516b.) Translation - you're boring - Yachiru

517.) No one, I repeat NO ONE is allowed to ask Unohana-taicho her real age.

517a.) How do you think I got my disease? - Ukitake

517b.) I have no idea what you're talking about - Unohana

518) Kurotsuchi tachio we don't know where you got it. But remove Laputa from Seireitei airspace at ONCE

519) Academy Students Onimaru Takeshi and Kurogane Yaiba are hereby ordered to restrain their sparing match/(death match) to the academy training ground.

520) Unseated officers Yagyu Jubei and Sasaki Kojiro are found not guilty from the charge of dereliction of duty and treason on the ground of having been resurrected against their will by a malevolent demonic power. However, they are expected to deal with their backlog cases quickly.

521) Academy student Onimaru Takeshi is not Madarame Ikkaku's long lost evil younger brother. Despite the appearance.

522) Unseated Officer Yagyu Jubei is hereby suspended and ordered to present himself to the 4th division for treatment for his bad case of Drunken Lycantropy.

523.) By order of the 46, if Ryouga Hibiki shows up here again, without being dead, he stays. No excuses. - Yamamoto

523a.) And make sure that, should any of his... 'friends'... from the living world show up, to send them to Los Noches. Let Aizen deal with those whackjobs. - Unohana

523b.) - That does not include that bird-like creature that pops up every few life-times. - Ukitake

524) Ichimaru-taichou is no longer allowed to give the standard Academy introduction speech. The Fourth Divison is flooded with mentally-traumatized recruits as it is.

525) Never EVER mention Xellos to Ichimaru-taichou. Their 'creepy smile' competitions are the stuff of nightmares.

526) Any and all sightings of Genghiz Cohen and his Silver Horde in Soul Society are NOT to be reported to Captain Kenpachi of 11th Division under any circumstances.

527) 2nd Division 8th Seat Sagara: While we appreciate your efforts in helping 12th Division in creating and testing new weaponry, it has been ruled that the animal suit power armor is not something we want added to the image of Soul Society and has to go.

527a) No Rukia, you may not have a set of Chappy power armor.

528.) If, by chance, a large man calling himself Sergent Tellos, should show up, do NOT let him near the eleventh division. Period.

529) Lelouch Vi Brittania is to be sent back home, effective immediately.

529a) Rule 528 is to be repealed.

529b.) All of Soul Society, listen to the command of Lelouch vi Britannia! Obey me!

529c) All Hail Lelouch! - Yamamoto

529d) Mr. Brittania you will cease and desist your blatant infringement of my trademark at once or I will get really evil, and send in the lawyers. -Aizen (Future King of the Soul Society)

529e) Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you, become my slave!!! - Lelouch

529f) Please, I ran around the Central 46 and the 13 Court Guard Squads for YEARS in plain sight boy. You are centuries too early to challenge me. (Evil glint off an angular pair of shades) -Aizen

529g) Oh, and Gin's special Fracción, late of the law firm 'Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe' will be calling on you presently. With shades. -Aizen

530.) When we find that revolving door, a certain Miss Jean Grey and her associates will be... disciplined...

530.a.) Captain-General... sir... SIR! Oh for god's sake, someone get a mop... he's drooling again.

531.) Please send all robed persons randomly sprouting the phrase, "May the Force be with you." to their appropriate afterlife.

531a.) This includes the Sith.

531b.) In fact, it goes double for the Sith.

531c) The sith are allowed to stay - Palpatine

531d) Don't Forget Jar Jar Binks

531e.) Jar Jar Binks is to be delivered to Mayuri at once for-..."Studying".

532) All residents of Soul Society are hereby required to join the SOS-dan immediately.  
-Supreme Brigade Chief Haruhi Suzumiya

532a.) Dammit Koizumi, what did I say about letting that girl read manga?  
-Kyon

533b.) Hey, why does my name read "Kyon"? My real name is *message lost*  
-Kyon

539) Rei "Zero" Enna is not literally a Goddess. (So quit inviting me to join the SWA you crazy girls)

534) - I know that Kamina is the captain of his own mech division and all, but who the HELL gathered up all the great mech engineers?! That new mech that they're making is kind of freaky. - Sou Taichou Yamato

534a) - Well, at least he didn't get all the dead pilots that were any good. - Ukitake

534b.) - There's no such thing as a good dead pilot! - Kamina!

534c.) - What's that say about you? - Byakuya.

534d) HEY! Who took all my glasses?! -Kamina

535). Someone needs to explain to the squads why Orihime, Matsumoto, Neliel, and Kurosaki Ichigo are missing every day after seven pm cause I'm running out of excuses...

535a) Are we sure it's not the same reason they keep kidnapping Kamina-Taicho and Naruto sir? - Unnamed officer.

536.) Murder is not an appropriate form of career advancement, despite what Captain Zaraki stands for.

537.) Please refrain from spars if your zanpakuto is a Class III Wide Area Devastation type or above. For references, see Captain Abarai (ask him about Hikotsu Taihou) and Captain Kuchiki (do not ask him about his, lest he uses you as demonstration)

538) Shinigami Are forbidden from walking around in the real world with sheets covering there heads. - Yamamoto.

539) Charles Lee Ray's soul is to be put on 24 hour surveillance. He keeps getting sucked back to earth for some reason. - Anonymous

539a) Isn't he supposed to have been sent to hell? -- Random Seated Officer of the 1st Division.

540) The souls of George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Bernie Mac are to be sent back to Earth as soon as possible. It is lacking in lulz.

540a) Carlos Mencia's soul is to be sent back to Earth upon arrival as well, as controversy always produces lulz.

541.) The Captain-Commander is about 2000 years old, right? Isn't that about the time Jesus died?

541a) I had heard that the Captain-General was quite the prankster when he was alive. -Random Academy Teacher.

542.) Kurotsuchi-taicho would like a quiet word or ten with whoever's been placing the 'Thankyou for urinating on the mimes' signs in front of the 12th Division compound.

542.a) ... and gluing them to his back.

542.b.) So would TFF-subdivision.

542.c) I KNOW IT WAS YOU, URAHARA! - Mayuri

543.) On an entirely unrelated note, TFF-subdivision would like to extend a hearty welcome to our newest official liaison, Kurotsuchi Nemu.


	7. Chapter 7

544.) Mayuri and Nirrti are not to collaborate on any subject

544a.) One reality wiped clean of all life was bad enough

544b.) I honestly don't know how the hell you managed to get a Goa'uld system lord here, but no more!

544c.) Kenpachi, it did not involve combat, the lunatics were playing with designer plagues...

544s.) If you want to fight one, Apophis just showed up...

545.) Urahara, I don't give a damn if he IS James Bond, you cannot just take your drinking buddies here.

545a.) What do you mean you hired his tech specialist?

546) If you think it's funny to show Zaraki Kenpachi the little Kenpachi Fried Chicken icon thats been circulating around, you're on your own. And Unohana says if you even come to her with your injuries, she will bankai you herself for your stupidity.

547) Ichimaru Gin, Zaraki Kenpachi, and Kurotsuchi Mayuri must never be shown Saw V. EVER

547a)Better yet, just any Saw movies in general.

547b)Do you really want them getting ideas and being even more messed up than they are now? Even Aizen agrees.

547c)Violating this rule will be punished by making you endure whatever unholy torture either one who saw the movie(s) created. And if more than one saw it, you are so screwed with no vaseline.

548.) All worlds connected to Azeroth are to be avoided at all costs.

548a.) We do not want to attract the Lich Kings attention.

548b.) Kenpachi, we are not going after Arthas, we do not need a...

548c.) Deal with the Scourge swarming into the Soul Society...

548d.)and leave that gloomy girl in the T shaped tower alone.

549.) Whispering homoerotic sentences into the ears of confused humans is forbidden.

550.) It is hereby prohibited to use Zaraki Kenpatchi's image for KFC advertisements.

551.) Kisuke Urahara is hereby prohibited from providing equipment to human military groups under the premise of testing his inventions.

551a.) This goes double for providing equipment to one Sousuke Sagara.

552.) Naruto Uzumaki and Yachiru Kusajishi are prohibited from ever collaborating together on pranks... again.

552a.) Seriously last time their target was the Kuchiki mansion, Byakuya was not happy.

553.) For the sake of preserving a vital resource of soul society it is no longer permitted to set up Shunsui Kyōraku and Yuuko Ichihara together on blind dates (last time they nearly cleaned out every form of alcohol in soul society).

554.) All Shinigami are hereby prohibited from entering Area 51 in Nevada, USA.

554a.) This goes double for you Kurotsuchi.

554b.) No you cannot send Nemu in your place either.

555.) I don't care how "fitting" it may seem to do this, nor how funny it may be... The quote: "The only GOOD scientist is a MAD scientist", is never to be uttered in front of either Mayuri Kurotsuchi or Kisuke Urahara.

555a.) ...or Octava Espada Szayel Aporro Grantz. We have to live with him and he's already insane enough. -Halibel

555b.) Also, neither are any of them allowed to be exposed to a program called Mythbusters. We've done enough rebuilding in that area of the Seireitei, thank you very much.

555c.) The same goes for the song 'She Blinded Me With Science'... rumours about Mayuri and Nemu are bad enough already, not to mention all the flack about Urahara...

555d.) I like my flack. It makes me a chick magnet. -Kisuke

556.) Former Soul Reapers, Visoreds, Arrancar, etc. are not allowed opinions on their reputations. This means YOU, Kisuke.

557.) Captain of Squad Eight Kyoraku Shunsui and Espada Primera Stark are NOT allowed to go out drinking together any more. We mean it. We're still cleaning up toilet paper from the last time, you two-- quit it! -C. G. Yamamoto

557a.) No, not even for New Years.

557b.) Yes, I am quite sure!

558.) Introduction of any person or persons of any race to websites such as FanFiction, MediaMiner, DoujinMoe, PhotoBucket, DeviantART &etc. will be punished severely. We already have enough traumatized minds out there... and especially no showing anything labeled 'YoruSoi' to the Captain of Second. Ever.

558a.) Anything labeled Aizen/Gin, NnoiNel, Grantzcest and etc., however, is to be sent to Las Noches immediately. We need all the help we can get in winning this damned war. --C. G. Yamamoto

559.) Referring to the Soutaichou as Captain-General "Yo Momma"-moto, and making jokes thereabout, is strictly forbidden...

559a.) ...no matter how hilarious it may--*obscured by bloodstains*

560.) The following are awful and pathetic excuses for leaving a Captains' Meeting:  
-I have to floss my otter.  
-I have to wash my hair.  
-My sugar daddy called me.  
-My grandmother died. [The only exception to this rule is Histugaya Toshiro, as he actually has a grandmother, the little whippersnapper. -C. G. Yamamoto]  
-I'm having relationship troubles with my hamster.  
-My dog is having kittens. [Yes, Shunsui, you WERE that drunk last week.]  
-My fish is drowning. [YES, Shunsui...]

561.) Kamina-taichou... No stealing random mooks from the other divisions to be put into your cannon-fodder mechs! - Toshiro Hitsugaya

561a.) That goes double for the Arcannar mooks. We don't need your mechs turning on our forces and killing our random mooks! - Soi Fong.

561b.) Hey! I got Yoruichi in a catgirl mech. - Kamina.

561c.) ... Can I suggest several uniforms for her? - Soi Fong.

562.) Aizen Sosuke is forbidden from bring Youma and other beings from the 'Claymore universe' back to Soul Society, the Human World or even Hueco Mundo. (Yes Aizen we do not care if you are no longer in Soul Society, Hollows are enough to worry about with Youma running around.)

563.) Zaraki Kenpachi is no longer allowed to enter the 'Claymore universe' as a result of his attempts to fight with the 'awakened beings' known as the Abyssal Ones.

564.) Kurotsuchi Mayuri is forbidden from ever doing experiments on Youma, Claymores, Awakened Beings or Dragon's kin (help us all if that ever happened).

564a.) This goes for you as well, Octava Esparda, Mr. Szayel Aporro Granz (we'd probably be more screwed than with Mayuri experimenting since he at least has Soul Society overseeing him to even a small degree).

564b) And no, you can't steal the Organization's research notes either

564d) Nor can you kidnap one of their scientists to "ask" about it.

564c) In fact, leave the Organization alone. Period.

565.) From this point onward all Shinigami must do everything possible to prevent the person known as 'Chichigami' from meeting Chizuru in Ichigo Kurosaki's class.

566.) To whoever has been spreading unpleasant rumors among 11th division about the nature of the food given to 11th division members during their stay at 4th division hospitals, please be advised that Captain Unohana wishes to discuss the matter with you.

566a.) Please Captain Zaraki! The woman's a monster! HEL (remainder obscured by unidentifiable stains)

566b.) Oh my, these wounds are terrible! We need to get him to the 4th division for healing, quickly!

567.) Gin Ichimaru and Orochimaru are never to meet. See rule 525 regarding Xellos.

568.) Screwing with Aizen's tea ain't allowed, y'all. --Gin

568a.) Yes it is. Go right ahead. You have carte blance. --C. G. Yamamoto

569.) Arturo Plateado's sword is not a lightsaber.

569a.) Yes, this means you can't have him sent back with the Star Wars people. We have to keep him.

569b.) And NO, he's not Grimmjow's twin brother. That would just be freaky...

569c.) They have different last names, for crying out loud!

569d.) All copies of the yaoi doujin "The Kitty and the Butterfly" are to be sent to Las Noches immediately. As mentioned before, this war needs all the help it can get.

--ADDENDUM: The SWA is allowed to keep a few copies for their archives.

570.) Any mentions of the planet Uranus in Captains' Meetings is hereby forbidden. Apparently the Gotei just isn't mature enough for it. --C. G. Yamamoto

571.) The annual tradition of swearing in Academy graduates by taking them out to egg my house is not only unlawful, it is immoral and several other things, and is hereby disbanded once and for all. Any of those who try will be dealing with the captain of the Janitorial Division. --C. G. Yamamoto

572.) Kenpachi, while Transformers are usually not allowed, stop chasing Dinobot for a fight.

573.) Shunsui Kyōraku is prohibited from ever enacting a live rendition of the song '99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall', or any alternate versions of said song such as '999 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall'.

574.) To whoever keeps sending the lists of idiotic laws that are no longer enforced to Byakuya please stop. He keeps trying to obey them whenever he is the relevant areas of the Mortal World, and makes a colossal fool of himself in the process.

574a.) To whoever sends the same lists to Tousen, thank you. Watching him try to enforce those laws in the name of justice whenever he is in the relevant areas is hilarious.

576) Rule 575 does not exist. Any hints to the contrary are merely figments of your imagination, and should be reported to your captain post-haste.

576a) Anyone reporting the potential existence of Rule 575 to their captain is to be executed immediately.

576b) Anyone lower-ranking than a captain who has read the previous part is to report to their captain to be executed immediately.

576c) Anyone who fails to report to their captain for execution is to be seized and executed immediately.

576d) Anyone who comments on the inherently flawed logic of this rule can go fuck themselves, after which I will immediately execute them.

577) Ignore Rule 576.

578) Ignore Rule 577. Also, Yachiru is to at least have the decency to not use crayons to make her additions to our code of law.

579) Wearing a bunny girl outfit does not guarantee you the division you want. It is wrong to tell the academy students this. Especially the males.

580) The known exception to the previous rule is 13th Division, due mainly to the influence of Kuchiki Rukia. Attempting to take advantage of this, especially if male, also guarantees you a Getsuga Tenshou to the face.

581) Killing academy students is forbidden. I don't care if there hitting on your harem.

581a.) Maiming them however is not forbidden!

582.) From now on, the death of a No Life King will be handled by an all hands operation to deal with konsoing all of the souls they have absorbed in their unlife.

582a.) Get some relief for that poor guy in London now. At the rate he's going it'll be months before he purifies all the souls that Alucard went through, and some of the nastier ones are already starting to Hollowfy.

582b.) ZARAKI! That was not a suggestion that you should go there and face the nastier ones yourself... Too late.

583) The Shinigami Mud-Wrestling Invitational has been canceled. -SWA

583a). Pity. I wanted to see just how far you female Shinigami would go for the opportunity to go out on a date with me. -Kurosaki Ichigo

583b).HEY! WAIT A SECOND! THAT''s NOT MY HANDWRITING!!!-Ichigo

583c). It was Kyouraku-taichou, Kurosaki-san. The SWA will be seeking to prosecute him to the fullest extent of righteous feminine fury. -Nanao

584.) Who exactly taught Yachiru the Robot Hell song?

585) To those who have wondered why Yachiru appears to be half Hitsugaya-taichou's age physically and mentally while actually being much much older than he is, she responds, and I quote, "I get away with more stuff this way. Besides, puberty's no fun until I find a boy that Ken-chan won't kill instantly."

586) To Kuchiki Byakuya, Kurosaki Ichigo, and Hitsugaya Toushiro, let it be known that you were probably just imagining being stalked by a unknown teenage girl with pink hair and a Hello Kitty zanpakutou. To avoid reoccurring delusions of this nature, or abrupt and vicious assaults by a burly 7-foot tall sadomasochist, bring your concerns to Kusajishi-fukutaichou. Payment is to be in cookies or interesting photographs.

587.) To all inhabitants of soul society, the reason 'I wanted to see what it would be like as a fun house' is no longer valid as an excuse to tilt the Kuchiki mansion sideways. -- Byakuya and Rukia Kuchiki

588.) Any person be they shinigami, human, hollow or otherwise whom attempts to exploit Rukia Kuchiki in any form by using a Chappy the Rabbit costume shall find their person to be in immense pain in the near future. -- Byakuya Kuchiki

589.) If they ever find it no one is to ever tell Zaraki or Kurotsuchi the location of the Vizards' secret base. -- Hirako and Hiyori.

590.) To whomever hid Omaeda's snack food last week, please keep doing it. We have been trying to get him to diet forever as it would greatly improve his stealth and speed abilities, and would be of immense benefit for the second division. It would also be of less embarrassment for the second division, which is supposed to specialize in stealth, to have a vice captain that does not stand out like an elephant wondering the streets of downtown Tokyo. -- Second Division Captain, Soi Fon and The Shinigami Performance Review Board

590a). Then, perhaps, Soi Fon-taichou, you should find a way to motivate your second-in-command, or find a new one altogether. -Yamamoto-Shigekuni Genryuusai

590b.) If you mean to say that there is no longer any political pressure from his noble family (WHICH YOU HAVE BEEN HANGING OVER MY HEAD AS A THREAT FOR CENTURIES YOU APPARENTLY SENILE OLD FOSSIL) preventing me from getting rid of him, then please, say so before I do something that might be used against me, the 2nd division, and the Gotei 13 as a whole. - Soi Fon Taicho

590c.) Do you need Omaeda-san removed, Soi Fong-taicho? -Sosuke Sagara

590d.) Then I suggest that you examine precedents set by prior decisions made by the Central 46 and ensure that Omaeda's family are legally bound to abide by your decision as something to further the continuation of the Gotei 13 and Soul Society as a whole. -Yamamoto-Shigekuni Genryuusai

590e.) Do you mean the precedent of BEING USED LIKE A BITCH BY AIZEN in order to exile multiple captains INCLUDING YORUICHI-SAMA, or the precedent of BEING SLAUGHTERED TO A MAN BY AIZEN AND NOBODY NOTICED THE DIFFERENCE FOR A WEEK?  
~Soi Fon

590f.) ...Acknowledged, Soi Fong-taicho. -Sosuke Sagara

591) Due to security concerns and the sudden influx of recruits and seated officers admitting themselves into the Fourth Division for psychiatric analysis, Captain Ichimaru is no longer allowed into Gotham City. His smile is creepy enough as it is.

591a.) Vice-Captain Matsumoto, kindly return the skintight purple leather and vaguely feline cat costume to its original owner.

591b.) And take the bat-themed costume as well. Captain Hitsugaya in an apoplectic rage is not a visually endearing sight.

591c.) Your concerns about being 'such a cute couple' are duly noted. The order stands.

592). In reference to 590d.), if YOU want to deal with his little sister YOU off Omaeda yourself! Seriously her puppy eyes attack is worse than Matsumoto's. - Anonymous

593.) Alright you loons, here's another addition to the "No entry" Category.

Marneus Calgar.

Ezeikel Abbadon.

Kharn (please note that Unohana-taichou has been assigned to take this guy. She's the only one I trust to succeed.-Kenpachi)

Mad Dok Grotsnik

Cypher (He's needed elsewhere)

Ragnar Blackmane

593a.)KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

594.) 2nd Division Vice-Captain Omaeda's disappearance was due to the work of me, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. He's been shov-I mean kidnapped to Los Noches, so don't bother trying to find him again....ever. -Grimmjow Jeagerjaques

594a.) Like hell that was me! -Grimmjow Jeagerjaques

594b.) HOW THE HELL DID ONE OF AIZEN'S ELITE ARRANCAR GET INTO SOUL SOCIETY TO WRITE ON THE RULE LIST?!? -Histugaya Toushirou, gotei juusan no juubantai taichou

594c.) It's because no one can see through my foolproof disguise! Now excuse me while I twirl my badass mustache. -Grimmjow Jeagerjaques

595) While the Gotei 13 is open and accepting of religion, We feel due to resent revelations that we must ban certain religions as such,

11th please remove the shrine to Khorne immediately.

Jūshirō Ukitake please remove the shrine to Nurgle from you're office.

Hanatarō Yamada remove the shrine of Tzeentch at once.

And anyone caught worshipping Slaanesh will be punished in a non fun way.

- Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai

595a). For a follower of the great Slaanesh there is no such thing as a not fun way. -Kotetsu Isane

595b) Oh how about finishing all the backdue paperwork form 3,5,9 and 11th division?

595c) Oh Come On! Its not like you've done a thing to help! - Ukit- Anonymous

596) The Shinigami Mud-Wrestling Invitational is back on, and we will be extending invitations to Las Noches. -Kyorakyu-taicho.

596a.) Kyoraku-taichou, would you please see us for a meeting to discuss certain announcements? - Shinigami Women's Association.

597.) Shinigami are under strict orders to avoid dancing around 5th Seat Ayasegawa Yumichika, 11th Division. You will be unsightly in his eyes, and we don't want a repeat of the Gruesome Grape incident.  
Thank you, the administration.

598.)CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THE ANIMANIACS HAVE BEGUN HANGING AROUND WITH YACHIRU?!? ~Kurosaki Ichigo

598a). THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED?!? ~Kyouraku-taichou

599.) The TFF Division is no longer allowed to quote memes. ~Ukitake-taichou

599a.) Why? ~Flarnith

599b.) All I know is that it has something to do with the recent increase in reports of paranoid schizophrenia amongst the inmates of the Maggot's Nest. ~Ukitake-taichou

600.) All right, who in the Twelfth Division's been piggybacking Human World satellite signals into Soul Society?

600a.) It was Spartacus.

600b.) Who's Spartacus?

600c.) I'm Spartacus.

600d.) No, I am Spartacus.

600e.) A careful investigation has shown that there is no basis to the rumors that Living World television programming such as All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku, Tokyo Mew Mew, or Dominion Tank Police is being pirated into the Soul Society.  
-Soi Fon-Taicho

600f) All 'Spartacus's will report to the 2nd Division for interrogation. Failure to comply will result in immediate elimination. -Sagara Sosuke

601) Soi Fon-taicho and arrancar Grimmjow are never allowed to meet. Ever. - Hitsygaya-Taicho

601a.) Just try it "childhood friend" obsessed brat - anonymous.

602) No Shinigami will be allowed to release their Zanpakuto into either shikai or bankai forms using movie quotes such as 'Optimus, light... our darkest hour." .

602a.) No Webcomics either

602b.)Any Shinigami with Zanpakuto names after fictional characters/weapons/comic will be retired.

603) There is no such thing a a Tribble, and even if there was, they do not feed on the flesh of tender young Academy students. Perpetuating rumors to the contrary is forbidden.

604.) If any soul that work for the Time and Space Administration Bureau in life claims that their devices are zanpakutos, we can not afford for you to disagree with them (literally, Kenpachi has already bankrupted our repair budget)

604a. Under NO circumstances is Kenpachi Zaraki allowed to adopt any soul that is a former member of Riot Force 6. The repair budget can't handle it and Unohana has already informed us that Squad 4 will refuse to fix any damage resulting from such an action...

604b.) After the "accidental friendly fire" inside what used to be the former gladiatorial pit, Kenpachi is no longer allowed to engage former members of Riot Force 6 without a case of self-defense, or defense of friendly forces.

Violation of the above will result in long term humanitarian missions.

604c.) No, you (or anyone else) "accidentally" bumping into them...with your sword, fist, feet or any other body extremity or inanimate object...or provoking them into a fight so you (or anyone else) can truthfully claim that they attacked you (or a friendly force) first doesn't count as self-defense.

605.) Kenpachi is not allowed to challenge the ANBU Demolition squad to a destruction contest.

605a) Nor are the ANBU Demolition Corps allowed to challenge Kenpachi to any sort of contest.

606.) Yachiru is never to learn of Charlie's Chocolate Factory

607.) Under no circumstances is Kurotsuchi Mayuri to experiment with magic devices (the ones from Nanoha like raging heart), especially doing research on how to mix one with a zanpaktou.

607a ) Even more prohibited is using Yachiru's zanpaktou as one of the experiments.

608. ) No one is to ever try to advise one Gendo Ikari as a potential person to be promoted to the Central 46.

609. ) The koi pond on the Kuchiki property is not a public fishing area -- Byakuya Kuchiki

610.) So it's fine if the pond isn't on Kuchiki property?

611) Sosuke Sagara has reluctantly agreed to allow anyone to accompany him on his weekly fishing expedition to the streams/lakes in 1st-5th District.

611a) Yaichiru has volunteered to act as bait for the aquatic Hollow.

611 b.) The ANBU Demolition Corps is forbidden from procuring 'fishing supplies' for such trips. Any who do so will be refilling the pond with TEASPOONS! -by the order of Sōtaichō Yamamoto-Genryūsai

612) Captain Mayuri you are to stop any and all experiments you are performing at this moment and shut down your modified Senkaimon gate. Then all 12 division members will vacate your facility and head directly to the predesignated compound. Where the 4th division will give everyone a complete physical check up. Anyone attempting to leave without said check up will be detained at the pleasure of 2nd and 11th division, Meanwhile Sōtaichō Yamamoto-Genryūsai will be reducing your facility to ash and Captain Toushirou will be freezing it to ensure nothing escapes.

-Central 42

612a) Really genetically combing Flood and Tyranid what was the man thinking.

613.) All residents of soul society can no longer file damage claims for items destroyed when they go on camping trips or picnics within a 5 km radius of the 11th division private training grounds.

614.) Do not ask Hitsugaya Toushiro to be a substitute for air conditioning during the summer.

614a.) Or ask him to keep your drinks cold.

614. c.) While it does work, the air gets way too cold and Shirou-ch- Captain Hitsugaya isn't in the mood for days afterward. - Anonymous & Anonymous

614. d.) Someone is going to find every bar in Seireitei shut down because the sake's been frozen solid, and someone else is going to find their potentially treasonous shrine turned into a giant popsicle. - Anonymous

615). Zaraki is no longer allowed to use inter-universal travel unless it is a matter of multidimensional security.

615a). Scratch that. You're not going anywhere, ESPECIALLY if it's a matter of multidimensional security.

615b). He is most assuredly not allowed to bring back souvenirs, either.

615c). Seriously Kenpachi, stop hopping off to other universes in order to find new people to fight.

615d). IF YOU EVER GO ANYWHERE NEAR RYOZANPAKU EVER AGAIN I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN HAIR.

615e) Damn it, Mayuri, sending Kenpachi off to the 41st millenium to see what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object is NOT permitted. NOR is it a good idea. The Shinigami Women's Association is STILL cleaning up from when those pink Hollows appeared in Kurosaki's bedroom.

615f.) BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

615.g) Please note Rule 595 This is the Final Warning after this we will start burning people.

616). Anyone answering to the name "Reality" should be thrown out right now before they have the chance to do something.

616a.) In fact, just keep anyone named Vincent as far from here as possible.

617.) Anyone having anything to do with Getter Rays will be incinerated on the spot. No Exceptions. We have enough problems.

617a) - No getting anywhere near Spiral Power either.

617b.) - Or any green stones with "G"s on them.

618.) Anyone attempting to contact any entity named Koji dies. There will be no arguing with this rule. Ever.

619.) While the central 46 usually abstains from interfering in a shingami's personal relationships, we are ordering the kenpachi/riot force 6 harem disbanded. Nothing personal but the thought of the repair bills your children would cause isn't letting us get any sleep

620.) Lelouch vi Brittania, you are not allowed command of your very own Squad Zero.

620.a) You can't pull that freaky bird-eye shit with me, pretty boy. I have sunglasses.

620.b.) Bankai? How do all these new souls achieve bankai so bloody fast!? And what the hell's a Spinzaku kick!?

620.c) Captain General Yamamoto would like to inform Lelouch vi Brittania that his request for Squad Zero shall be approved as soon as the Captain General's head can be snapped back into position.

621.) All new shinigami are to be informed that, while Keitaro Urashima has been long LONG overdue, the highly-rated ongoing reality show airing on Soul Society TV starring him would come to an abrupt end if he were allowed to expire.

621.a) Many of the male population in Soul Society would no doubt weep at the abrupt cancellation of their favorite ecchi Friday show. Kyoraku will personally hunt down the shinigami that allows the unfortunate inn-manager to die.

621.b.) It also does not bear mentioning that his harem would wreak unprecedented destruction upon us just to bring their man back. Do recall that one among them is a trained expert at fighting spirits.

621.c) I doubt that even you can survive a Naru-punch, Zaraki.

621.d) You are not allowed to recruit Kaolla Su, Kurotsuchi.

622.) Shirley Fenette is not to be confused with Orihime Inoue.

622.a) Even if their hair is very similar.

622.b.) And their measurements.

623) Kurosaki Ichigo and Uzumaki Naruto are hereby forbidden to engage in endurance matches.

623.a) Rewritten: Kurosaki Ichigo and Uzumaki Naruto are hereby forbidden to engage in endurance matches unless held in and closely supervised by the headquarters of the Shinigami Woman's Association.

623.b.) It was a glorious draw... - Unohana Retsu

624.) Unseated officer Kuchiki Rukia is hereby forbidden from dressing Kurosaki Ichigo as a bunny. No buts, Kuchiki. You shouldn't have voiced your approval of his new apparel so vocally the entire night.

624.a) No. He may not keep the ears.

624.b.) If you don't stop insisting, we WILL tell Kuchiki-taichou.

625.) From now on, only one sexual harassment complaint can be sent to the Captain General every month per person. Captain Hitsugaya and Vice Captain Ise, I'm looking at you.

626.) There is no such thing as a grue.

626.a) That's because no one's ever lived to personally confirm it.

627.) Nobody is allowed to teach Kenpachi any form of martial arts. He's destructive enough.

627a.) What do you MEAN you taught him Hiten-Mitsurugi-Ryuu?!

627b.) OH JESUS HOW DID ALL THIS BLOOD GET IN HERE. IT IS UP TO MY ASS.

628.) Mayuri and Rangiku are never allowed to talk to each other ever again, nor are they allowed to ever talk to Captain Komamura unless escorted by at least one other Captain.

628a.) Kenpachi does not count as a Captain for the purposes of this rule.

628b.) You cannot escort each other to talk to Komamura, either. You're not even a captain anyway, Matsumoto.

628c.) Anyone ELSE attempting to visit a tasteless prank upon Komamura will be left to whatever tender mercies a nine foot tall dogman who can summon a three hundred foot tall samurai puppet has for people who make fun of his canine nature.

628d.) STOP BRINGING IN CATGIRLS AND HAVING THEM OFFER THEIR WOMANHOOD TO CAPTAIN KOMAMURA YOU SICK PERVERTED CHUCKLEFUCKS.

628e.) Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Vice-Captain Rangiku Matsumoto are hereby imprisoned in Maggot's Nest for an unknowable amount of counts of crimes against nature, seven hundred counts of sexual harrassment, and eighty-three counts of facilitating the rape of Captain Komamura by, and I quote: "the Puma Sisters from Dominion Tank Police".

628f.) WHADDYA MEAN HE LIKED IT!?

628g.) THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED!?

629.) Never speak of rule 624 ever again.

630.) Kenpachi is not allowed to try to eat Hollows in order to awaken his inner Hollow and therefore get a voice in his head which isn't completely useless. That's not even how it works anyway.

631.) The phrase "The beatings will continue until morale improves" is a joke, and even if it wasn't, Kenpachi would not be in charge of administering it.


	8. Chapter 8

632.) Question; who exactly was that told Kurotsuchi-taichou about the RESIDENT EVIL video game series?!? He's becoming obssessed with either trying to find or recreate the Progenitor Virus! ~Kurosaki Ichigo

632a.) From now on, nothing zombie-related are to be brought into Soul Society!

633) Ara, could someone please ask Lieutenant Matsumoto to stop stalking my Kei-kun? I'm getting worried he might be about to have a nervous breakdown. -Mutsumi Otohime, 4th Seat, 4th Division.

634.) Whoever starts a prank war will also be the one who'll have to clean up EVERYTHING!  
635.) Arrancar are to be terminated on sight. They are not to be invited over for tea and crumpets. No exceptions.

635a.) We are supposed to be AT WAR with them, people.

635b.) I don't give a darn if that whippersnapper can make good cake!

636.) Ise Nanao is hereby banned from the Novelty Store in 7th District of Rukongai due to her rampant fangirl tendencies.

636a.) I don't CARE if leaks of "Love Love Potter: A Dragon for a Lion" is out. Your Yaoi obsession stops HERE.

637.) The Shihouin Clan is to cease all contracts with Kurosaki Isshin due to abuse of privelege.

637a.) Just because he ended up a screw up doesn't mean I want my grandson to end up one too.

637b.) Anymore protests stating "The Line must be continued by one of Noble Birth" will be tossed into the Pits. Zaraki's pits. And his armpits are very stinky.

638.) Kenpachi you are to stop trying to get Solid Snake and Big Boss made part of your Division.

639.) Kenpachi is to never meet Vegeta.

640.) Leadership of Division Zero if it is to exist is to be handed over to Optimus Prime.

640a.) If we can't stop that nonsense we at least want a sane leader in charge.

641 The 11th division is forbidden to go into Roanapur, ESPECIALLY Zaraki! The less said about Zaraki joining the Church of Violence the better. And that's if were are lucky that he doesn't join up with the Black Lagoon Company.-Yamamoto-soutaicho

641a) If Kenpachi does somehow join up with the BLC, he is to be given a sterile gigai; thinking about Zaraki compulating with Revy has given Yamamoto-soutaicho an ulcer.-Unohana Retsu, Taichou 4th division

641b.) Like there's much chance of any other guy having any luck while that goddamn 'white collar's' there. What does he have that we don't!? - Shinigami Men's Association

641c) An actual brain and an organ that almost rivals Kurosaki's- SWA

642) Would Kurosaki Ichigo please report to 2nd Division Captain quarters. Ex Captain Yoruichi Shihouin and Captain Soi Fon would like to speak to you.  
642a) Also at 1500 hours a special ceremony will be held by the Shinigami Women's Assosiation for all female shinigami. Please contact Vice President Ise Nanao of 8th division- Ise-fukutaicho 8th VP of SWA.

643)Kenpachi is to avoid fighting Thanos.

643a)Seriously what is the Mad God of Titan doing here?

644) All Shingami are to help clean up the mess the Black Lantern Rings are making.

644a) Not kill people and put the rings on them because it'd be fun to fight them as zombies.

645). Former Captain Aizen is not allowed within three hundred meters of Tenth Division Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou.

645a.) Yes, the omiais you have arranged are included within Rule 617.

645b.) We don't give a shit if he's your "future son-in-law".

645c.) For goodness' sakes, Hitsugaya, we're handling it.

646). Unohana Retsu is not allowed to slip "Mad Scientist Solution 13" into Abarai Renji's drinks.

646a). Even if he does look cool.

647.) Espada Task Squadron Commander Tia Harribel and Tenth Division Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou are banned from Eight Flags Amusement Park

647a.) There were CHILDREN on that ride, you idiots.

647b.) I don't care if it gave them their Sex Ed ten years in advance!

648.) Shinigami are to refrain from calling Kuchiki Byakuya a "Pimp".

648a.) -Bitchslap- Yes, Big Daddy.

649). Stop fucking up the numbering, goddamnit.

650.) Tia Harribel and the Puma Sisters are not allowed to talk to each other about relationships ever again.

650a.) THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING UP SUCH MATTERS DURING SWA MEETINGS.

651.) The following phrases are now forbidden: 'Fighting like cats and dogs,' 'Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl,' 'Jumbo Double Milkshake,' 'Ice Cream Sandwich,' 'Iced Coffee with Cream,' anything involving Oreo cookies, and any references to knots, knitting, Bob Barker, catnip, scratching, and jerky. These rules are in effect at all times, or at the very least while Captain Komamura, Captain Hitsugaya, and/or their significant others are within earshot.

651a.) Captain Zaraki is not subject to rule 652. If you can't puzzle out why this is for yourself, ask Captain Kurotsuchi to explain.

651b.) Make sure you have a friend follow you there with a camcorder ready.

652.) We are not building a catapult, onager, trebuchet, or any other form of medieval siege weapon so that we may simply launch Kenpachi directly at our enemies. This is absolutely non-negotiable.

652a.) The fact that it was Kenpachi's idea in the first place doesn't strengthen the Zarakipault's case.

653.) I don't care HOW effective it is as a training method. Using kido to hide the fact that you're having an orgy in the 1st division's courtyard is NOT ALLOWED and if you do it again I will make you into lawn ornaments. Do not doubt me, I have done this before. -Captain-Commander Yamamoto.

654) Starting today, the SWA will be conducting safe sex seminars. especially those who are employing Kurosaki-kun's "services"- Isane Kotestu medical officer of the SWA under orders from Unohana-taichou

654a)We don't care if it's better bareback Matsumoto- Ise Nanao vice president of SWA

654b)Kyoraku-taichou is disallowed from being the male example during seminars; failure to comply will bring about a "voluntary" assignment of baby sitting Kusajishi-kaichou for a week during the annual Adult SWA Getaway.

655)For the remainder of both Shihouin-san and Soi Fon-taichou's pregnancy, Kurotsuchi-taichou is only allowed near said persons under supervision of Unohana-taichou.- Yamamoto.

656). Any negotiations between Arrancar and Shinigami are not to be done by Arrancar Harribel and Shinigami Hitsugaya unsupervised.

656a). If you really can't figure out why, we don't like you two doing it on our time and expense.

656b.) Grandkids~! 3 -Sousuke Aizen

656c.) Grandkids~! - Ichimaru Gin

656d.) ...Nephews and Nieces? Bah! - Grimmjow

657.) Kurosaki Isshin is not allowed to arrange marriages for his future grandchildren with Sousuke Aizen.

657a.) Neither is Sousuke Aizen allowed to arrange marriage.

657b.) Seriously, Yoruichi and Harribel have already said yes.

657c.) [Belated Entry] - MOM, DAD, YOU'RE BOTH DEAD! - Kurosaki Sousuke

657d.) [Belated Entry] - But you loved Belle-Neesan! - Kurosaki Yoruichi

657e.) [Belated Entry] - Oh my, my little brother's getting married~! - Kurosaki Hana

658.) In order to prevent an insane clash of two different genres (mythological fantasy and mecha) rule 640 is here bye repealed.

659.) It is now prohibited to try to create a working replica of the ancient Belkan Saint's Cradle (honestly we do not know how Yachiru managed to convince Mayuri to attempt this in the first place).

659 a.) Mayuri this means you have to stop building the one you were originally working on, not simply give up on the plans to build an entire fleet.

659 b.) No Yachiru we are not repealing the decision simply because you want to create a reenactment of the end of an anime series you saw while staying in the human world.

660.) The members of the 12th Division are no longer allowed to use the lab computers to play World of Warcraft (we're still looking into how they managed to get a working connection to the internet in the real world).

661.) Messages addressed to the Captain-Commander are not to end with ANY of the following phrases, or any variance thereof:

All Hail Superpope!  
Seig Heil!  
Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for His Throne!

662.) You are not to arrange the death of R. Lee Ermey simply because even Kenpachi seems to obey him...

663) There will be no Bachelor(ette) Party for any pregnancies caused by Represenitive Kurosaki, also special congratulations goes out to Unohana-taichou for being the third and Kotetsu-fukutaichou for being fourth-Cmmdr. Capt. Yamamoto.

664) In accordance to rule 664, all sake will be stowed away with the Zero Division- Soul King *****

665) There will be no rule 666, we don't want another Noodle Incident for using a something copyrighted to Hell.

667.) Mayuri-taicho will halt his 'super soldier' experiments at once. Orks and the 11th Division are not a good combination.

668.) Kenpachi, you are not allowed to lead the 11th into Azaroth to "show them what a real Death God is."

668a). I know there is a chained Lovecraftian horror and a traitor prince with a rune blade claiming the title of God of Death, but we already have the Crane, Poole & Schmidt firm drawing up a cease and desist order.

668a.) What do you mean he already went? And he did WHAT?!

669.) Kenpachi, you are not allowed to blame Deathwing for the aftermath of your excursion. We all know he couldn't pull off that level of planetary plastic surgery.

669a.) It doesn't mean you can publicly declare it was you who caused the Cataclysm!

670.) Mayuri is not allowed to try and capture Hogger to study for his super solder project. I thought we already went over that subject.

671) Despite her title, Sailor Saturn is not the heir to the Soul Society. so would all Shinigami captains please stop bothering her. Gin was almost branded as a pedophile...again.-Captain Commander Yamamoto

671a) I can't help the way I grin.-Ichimaru Gin

672.) Whoever introduced Zaraki to Manowar is in serious trouble once we find out who you were. -Office of the Captain-Commander

672a.) Yeah Kenny, I got the concert tickets!! -Fukitachio Yachiru Kusajishi, CCed to the entire 11th Division.

672b.) HAIL! -11th Division (all)

673.) Kenpachi is not allowed to be anyones god parrent. He is especially not allowed to be the god parent of Vivio.  
673a) The same goes for any female Shinigami, seeing as we will never see them again.

673b) Shunsei is also not allowed, we don't want to lose a captain to "befriendment."

674.) When fighting an unstopable being who is leaveing a path of destruction through the Seireitel status reprots are not to be along the lines of "The Deathsaur is continuing to advance. The Deathsaurs is continuing to advance.)

674 a.) Unless of course the enemy is really the Deathsaur

675) Due to certain "requests" from members of the Outer Senshi, female shinigami are disallowed anywhere near the vicinity of Juuban in the Minato ward of Tokyo, Japan.

675a) Same goes with any "bishonen" members. as such only 11th squad members with the exception of Yumichika and Yachiru are allowed anywhere near there.

676) All shinigami are forbidden from visiting the Jusenkyo springs in China.

676a) We especially dont want any shingami splashing other shinigami with the cursed water, even if Captain Zaraki makes an 'adorable' piglet. - Office of the Captain-Commander

676b) If I ever find out who did that to me.... -Captain Zaraki

677) The Kuno family is forbidden from becoming one of the noble houses. The other houses are screwy enough as it is thank you.-Kuchiki Byakuya.

678) In fairness, female shinigami, regardless of apperance, are not allowed to enter the men's bath just for the sake of being close to Subsitute Shinigami Kurosaki in a non sexual proximity. If this continues The onsen will have to made into a mixed bath; and you know what that means- SWA.

679.) The members of the 12th division labs are no longer allowed to purchase items from human world websites like e-bay or amazon. (How they have the internet connection is still eluding us.)

680.) Yamada Hanataro is no longer allowed to act as a courier for Shinigami to get items delivered from said websites.

680 a. Would all Shinigami not currently in 4th Division please stop demanding that my 7th go to the human world to provide them with merchandise not commonly found in Soul Society? If this practice continues I will be forced to release photos of what certain patients do while unconscious, and it will not be pleasant.

681.) Following rule 679 the members of the 12th division should also note that they are also prohibited from selling anything online as well.

682.) Izuru Kira is to stop using Wabisuke on people's paperweights. It makes it impossible to get any paperwork done.

Rangiku - Aww there goes my excuse to use on Taicho for not having the paperwork done.

Toushiro - MATSUMOTO!

683.) There are to be no more concerts in Rungonkai with bands using the name 'The Ungrateful Dead'. It stirs up the wrong kinds of emotions amongst the inhabitants. - Yammamoto Genryusai

684.) When we find whoever convince kisame to copy bashin your in big trouble

685) Under no circumstances are Seta Sōjirō and Ichimaru-taicho to be in the same room at the same time, it's just way to creepy. - Anonymous

686) Tousen Kaname is not challenge Saitō Hajime for a position as a captain in Shinsengumi, he's already part of my crew. - Aizen

687) Whoever is the one that pushed 4th squad's seventh seat Yamada Hanatarou into the women's baths...Thank you- Unohana-taicho and Isane-Fukutaicho

688) After recent research, Queen Serenity of the Silver Millenium is not allowed near the 11th squad barracks. Nor is she allowed to meet with Kenpachi. I don't care ifhe was her consort during silver millenium.

689) Having wild monkey sex with a captain is not the way to achive Bankai, Kyoraku, I thought we had this discussion six hundred rules ago.

689a) It worked for Retsu-chan.

689b) Kyoraku-taicho!

689c) Sorry Nanao-chan, but it doesn't make it any less true.

689d) Due to the lies of a certain captain, the SWA will have the eigth squad under vigilance to ensure that such rumors are unfounded.- Soi Fon-taicho security officer of the SWA.

689e) Hey I said that's how she did it, not that I was involved. I'm just repeating what I heard from Kiuske and Shinji. ~Shunsui

690) Please note, that no Juraian will be allowed to Soul Society, especially Seto, just trust me on this.- CCmdr. Yamamoto.

691) As an amenddum to the list of nicknames not to call Captain Hitsugaya the following have been added:  
Pappy  
Snowy  
Snow White's younger brother  
Karin's personal toy.

692) Abducting Kurosaki Ichigo, Uzumaki Naruto, Negi Springfield, Sol Baguy, Dizzy, Ragna the Bloodedge, Himura Kenshin, Ryu, Yagami Iori, Leona Heidern, Guts and anyone from that Ikkitousen reality just so you can have free-for-all to determine who has the better "Rage Mode" is not a good idea for obvious reasons Kenpachi.

692a) No you can't replace Guts with Ikari Shinji and Unit1!

692b) That doesn't mean you can add him to the list either!

693) Byakuya, just because you are the manager of the escort services provided by Shinigami represenitive Ichigo Kurosaki, Hitsugaya-taicho, and Seventh seat Hanataro Yamada does not mean you wear a "pimp's outfit" when not on duty.

694) It's strictly forbidden use the phrase "I wasn't expected a Spanish Inquisition" near Gin Ichimaru. Those three cardinal are already annoying for themselves, we don't need for them to become MORE annoying! -Anonymous.

694a) Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

695) Even if Rukia Kuchiki is a Chappy The Bunny-obsessed fan, it doesn't mean who her Bankai summon Chappy.  
Nor the Rabbit of Caerbannog.  
Nor Bugs Bunny.  
And certain not Usagi Tsukino, for the Soul King's sake!  
So... STOP TO TELLING THIS TO THE NEW RECRUIT!!! - General Commander Yamamoto.

696) It's strictly forbidden to make research on Senshi's powers to try to recreate them. Yes, we're speak to you, Urahara. It doesn't matter if you are near to give the Inner Senshi's powers to Rukia, Orihime, Yoruichi, Tatsuki and Chizuru, YOU CAN'T DO IT! - Central 46 Council.

696a) Mayuri, it's count for you too. - Histugaya Toushiro.

696b) And for you too, Syazel. - Sosuke Aizen.

697) Attention notice to Yourichi, Soi Fon-Taichou, Unohana-taicho and Kotetsu-fukutaicho: A new special barracks has been built for you and any future mothers of Shinigami representive Kurosaki's children. This is to prevent other shinigami from being wakened in the middle of the night. If you have any complaints, please have the father move in with you.- SMA

697a) The Shinigami Women's Association would like to thank it's Male counterpart for this wonderful gift and suggestion-SWA

697b.) Nice going, Iba. They'll probably go out of their way to keep us up at night by having sex as loudly as they could. –Hisagi

697c.) Don't give them ideas! –Izuru

697d.) Too late, boys. -Yoruichi

698.) Do NOT imply that Matsumoto Rangiku is in any way, shape, or form old. One dumbass mentions a wrinkle and we've got the sky cracking. Again.

699.) Due to the declining numbers of Shinigami still in one piece, no Shinigami is permitted to ask Captain Hitsugaya if he has ever had a threesome with his lieutenant and her catgirl zanpakuto.

700.) Even if she technically isn't a Shinigami (yet) Inoue Orihime is not permitted to go around healing people unless the 'common Shinigami' would think that they should be healed. We realize that her common sense is several levels below that of a mouse, much less a Shinigami but that is the rule.

701) Due to a certain individual...Shinigami Liason Kurosaki will be unable to perform his usual duties and extracurricular activites. Hinamori-fukutaicho is also to refer to The Shinigami Women's Assosiation's health officer, Kotetsu-fukutaicho, for any and all of Ichigo-kun's allergies.-Unohana Retsu

701a) How was I suppose to know he had a weird latex allergy?!-Momo

702) Even if Harribel is a short haired blond woman and Adult!Neliel is a long teal-colored haired woman, it doesn't mean who they are related in any shape or form with Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. So, stop to ask them that, Syazel has no more beds into the infirmary. -Sosuke Aizen.

703) Rangiku, we're happy for the fact who you have discovered who you has been into your past life. But even if in that life you and Yachiru have been rivals, you can't restart your rivality. And, for Kami's sake, STOP WHIT THAT LAUGH!!! - General Commander Yamamoto.

703a) !!!  
703b)Rangiku, failure to comply will suspend you from usage of Kurosaki's services when he recovers.- Kuchiki Byakuya.

703c) And Hitsugaya-taichou's, for that matter - Sajin, Komamura.

703d) Who is pretty busy at the moment. - Shihoin, Yoruichi.

703e) Rule 702b has been partially repealed: Rangiku has been autorized to use her laugh, but only into Hueco Mondo: Mayuri has discovered who her laugh can destroy Hollows.

704) I don't care how badass he is with a sword, Kenpachi, you are no longer allowed to attempt the recruiting of one Seijuro Hiko. Rukongai districts don't repair themselves.

704a) Which Seijuro Hiko? There are 13 of them.

704b) Any of them.

705) Vice Captain Kusajishi is no longer allowed to surprise Vice Captain Hisagi with funky masks and spooky voices at any time to see what else he's afraid of.

705a) Next time, try the wig with the dreadlocks and the Hollow mask and scream about kicking puppies for great justice.

705b) No means NO former Captain Urahara.

706) Attempting to convince Captain Komamura his overwhelming power was responsible for your collateral damage to cover repair costs is punishable by a fine far excessive to what you owed and enduring one strike from Kokujo Tengen Myo'o. Cheapskates are frowned upon 'round these parts.

707) While your goal in creating the Shinigami Women's Association to "get Ken-chan laid" as you eloquently stated is very endearing Vice Captain Kusajishi, you are not allowed to pursue it. –Captain Unohana.

708) Hooking up male academy students with hot women like "Luppi" or "Charlotte" is no longer allowed, regardless of the epic, epic win from the resulting trainweck.

708a) As long as you don't get caught, because it's just that fuckin' hilarious!

708b) The previous addendum has been repealed, Shunsui. -Captain Unohana

709) Informing Captain Komamura or Vice Captain Abarai of their "jobbing" status is ill-advised. We are not responsible for what their respective Bankai do to you.

710) Captain Kyoraku, you are no longer allowed to claim "just impersonating Keitaro" to excuse accidentally falling on a well sized bosom. Punishment is carried out by one strict Vice Captain Ise.

710a) Punishment? By Nanao-chan? Yeah, that's reeeeally gonna stop me...

710b) The punishment for breaking rule 709 has changed to a swift kick in the balls, executed by one Komamura Sajin. Not so cocky now, are ya brat? -Captain Commander Genryusai Yamamoto.

711) This is reminder that any mention of the planet Uranus is not to be done so in front of the captains. Hitsugaya-taicho is still young enough to laugh at those jokes. It'll be worse if done so in the presence of Kusajishi-fukutaicho; Kenpachi has stated that learning about the birds and the bees will be done only when she is 700 hundred years old. Failure to do so on the latter will result in injuries that even Unohana-fukutaicho has refused to heal.

712) It doesn't matter if his sword can purify Hollows, you can't recruit Gatsu/Guts into the Gotei 13, we don't need another war, especially a war with the Godhand.

712a) No, you can't even organize meeting between him and Kenpachi. Or between Kenpachi and Zodd. We can't repay the property damage.

713) Read a Kenpachi Slash fic in front of Kenpachi. Or at all.

713a) For the safety of other members of the Soul Society. all slash paraphernalia will be monitered by the SWA. as per their orders all slash fics involving Zaraki-taicho have been banned from all three worlds.-Captain Cmmdr. Yamamoto.

713b) On second thought, all slash shall be monitored by the SMA, as this will reduce the number of items to be monitored to nearly zero.

714) Even if she deserve it, we are not autorized to send J.'s soul to Hell. So, stop with your tentative, Mayuri. And no, we don't want to know what you have received as bribery.

715) 4th Squad 5th Seat Ikari, 11th Squad 6th Seat Soryu-Langley and 12th Squad 8th Seat Ayanami, you're not autorized to go into a human word and torture Hideaki Anno. Unfortunately.

716) We are not autorized to conctact the Morisato family. We DON'T need to enrage Belldandy-sama, idiots!!!

716a) Same goes for the Tendo family: 11th Squad 4th Seat Kasumi is TOO EASLY edgy!

716b) Same with the Hinata-sou in Kanagawa Prefecture. How do you think Captain Ukitake got his cough in the first place?

716c) I thought Captain Unohana gave it to him for asking about her age?

716d) As well as the Misaki Family, we do not need anymore people traumatized by Washu.

717) 12th Squad R&D Department is now forbidden to create gates from Soul Society to the Star Trek universe, Quo'nos world. Even if the Klingon will be a nice addition to our ranks, we don't need them to elect Kenpachi to being their new God of War and 11th Squad to be their new phanteon.

717a) Urahara, it's count double for you. DON'T DO IT!

717b) And no we are not simply making excuses because we don't want to return Shinigami Enterprise

717c) No Mayuri, you can't make a gigai for Kahless because he want to return home and kick his clone's and ex-subject's asses. Just, don't do it.

718) Pranking Shunsui by leaving a toddler with him is forbidden. It took him years to stop moping when Tylor was finally old enough to leave Soul Society. Even if we hear he is now a captain in his own right.

718a) Did you have to remind him. Now moaning about his little boy being all grown up and getting it on with hot alien empresses.

718b) And the fact he never had twin's offer themselves to him.

718c) And no, you are not autorized to make a Father-Son Day for they: we DON'T want to give Empress Azalyn access to Soul Society, it cannot be god!

717d) Please note despite the similarities The Marine Jason aboard the Soyokaze is not the Jason on the top 10 locate and kill at all cost list. That one doesn't like leaving the camp.

719) Gensokyo has been added to the Forbidden Places List. And no, Marisa Kirisame and Reimu Hakurei are not the lost daughters of Kyoraku and Starrk.

720) The Kill On Sight Order on Jason Vorhees has been repealed, due to a conctact between him and Freddy Krueger. Jason has been able to give the dream-killer heavvy problems, and we prefer the knife-user to the burned-face psychopath, thank you very much. General Commander Yamamoto.

720a) Kenpachi, you can recruit him, if you can make Uraraha and/or Mayuri a device to permanently kill Freddy.

721) Kenpachi control the new members of your division. We don't know how or where you found them and quite frankly we are afraid to ask, Never the less if we get woke up at 3 AM with a cry of Waaagh!! one more time we will have them burned

-Central 46

722) Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi you are no longer allowed to collaborate with the mortal known as Kohran. Especially on use of Nightmare fuel. we do not care that fresh water, trees, dead dinosaurs and all that other fuel are technically finite and that we'll never run out of blood, crud, tears and fear, You will not harness THEM as viable sources of energy?

722a) or that humans are a renewable resource, and that sanity is overrated.


End file.
